Page 83 of Crossing Arizona

Before he can finish his sentence, she squeals, “Wait, wait! I gotta show you something!”

Thrusting the tablet into my hands, she bolts from the room, her little feet pounding on the stairs as she disappears.

And just like that, I’m left staring at Xed’s face while he stares back. The silence stretches on, neither of us daring to speak first.

He finally clears his throat, looking away for a moment. “She looks healthy. Happy.”

“She is.” My fingers twitch against the screen when a stray strand falls over his brow, wishing I could brush it away. “She misses you, though. A lot.”

So do I.

His lips press into a thin line. “Yeah. I miss her too.”

I don’t miss the way his voice wavers or how he blinks rapidly like he’s fighting back tears. It twists something sharp inside me, and I find myself gripping the tablet tighter. “You, uh… you didn’t tell me you were talking to her.”

Xed’s eyes snap back to mine, his face tightening. “I didn’t think I needed your permission to talk to her.”

“You don’t,” I respond quickly. “It’s just… I didn’t know.”

“Jenna showed me how to call, and I wanted to say happy birthday. What was I supposed to do, Matty? Ignore her?”

Exhaling sharply, I reach up to tug at my hair, fingers shaking. “No. Of course not. I just…”

My words trail off, and he gazes at me, waiting for more.

“You just what?”

“I just didn’t think you’d want to talk to us. After everything.” I force myself to meet his gaze, and it’s like staring into a storm—anger and hurt swirl beneath his gold-flecked irises.

“I don’t,” he says flatly, features smoothing out. “At least, not to you.”

Pain lances through my chest at those words, causing me to gasp. I open my mouth to respond, but Hannah’s footsteps thunder closer before I get a chance.

“Fungus, look what I did!”

And just like that, the moment’s gone.

Reluctantly, I return the tablet as she bursts into the room, clutching a picture she must have drawn at school.

“Look, Fungus! It’s you!” she grins, holding up a messy drawing of a purple shark with bright yellow eyes. “I made it for show-and-tell, but Mommy said it’s ugly.”

Xed’s snort fills the room, mixed with a laugh, making the ache in my chest worse. “Creature, that’s not ugly. It’s badass. You’re an artist like your Uncle Huckslee.”

Hannah plops onto the floor, a stuffie tucked under her arm as she babbles on about her drawing. Xed responds like he always does, showcasing that rare softness he only ever reserves for her.

And me. It used to be me.

I can’t stand there and watch anymore. My stomach churns as Valerie’s sharp voice comes from downstairs. “Matthew! Are you gonna come fix this shit or not?”

Of course. Because everything’s always my mess to fix.

Turning on my heel, I step out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind me as I make my way down the hall. I stop just before the stairs, leaning against the wall as Hannah’s voice filters through the crack in the door. She’s still talking to Xed, laughing so hard she hiccups, and it hurts so fucking much.

For a moment, I close my eyes and let their voices wash over me. In my mind, we’re back at our old townhome—Hannah sitting cross-legged on the couch with her coloring books while Xed sprawls out next to her, his legs on my lap. Our toes freshly painted and drying because Hannah wanted us all to have matching polish.

I can see it so clearly. Can almost believe that it’s real.

“Matthew!” Val’s shrill scream pulls me back to reality, and I push off the wall with a sigh, rubbing a hand over my face.