Page 13 of Crossing Arizona

“Hey, you like titties too. Don’t lie.”

Their banter draws out a deep ache I’ve been trying to ignore, homesickness yawning wide inside me. I keep a pleasant smile plastered on my face, but I can’t help thinking this used to be me.

Until I had to throw it all away.

My eyes find Xed again, and the ache sharpens. He hasn’t looked at me—not once since he walked into the lobby—and the weight of his absence makes my heart clench even when he’s right there. Those gold-flecked eyes that used to be my comfort are far away, his hands stuffed into his pockets like he’s worried I’ll try to hold them.

And I would. I so would.

He looks so lost, thin enough to float away if Devon wasn’t holding him close, bags under his eyes like hasn’t been eating or sleeping well. I hate this. Wish I could squeeze him so tight that he snaps back to who he was, who we used to be, before the last year tore us apart.

“I’m just gonna stay here and get drunk,” Salem mutters irritably, and Taylor frowns at her in concern. They have a long history—on and off since high school.

Logan’s head pops up like a nervous prairie dog. “M-me, too. I’ll stay, too.”

We all wince as Salem growls, her glare sharp enough to cut steel. Without another word, she stomps away, and Logan stumbles through a quick goodbye before hurrying after her like a kicked puppy.

Xed’s laugh follows them—a raspy, cruel sound I’ve never heard from him before. It grates against me, twisting my stomach as I turn to look at him. My brows knit together, trying to read his expression, trying to catch his attention, begging him to speak to me, save me—

“And you?” I ask, forcing my voice to stay steady. “Staying or going?”

When his eyes finally meet mine, I’m shocked by how empty they look. How… dull. Lifeless. His pupils are blown wide like he’s higher than a kite.

“Sure. Why not? Let’s go celebrate Matty’s big fuckin’ day.”

The words are sharp, dripping with bitterness, and the room falls silent. My face heats as a few nervous glances flick my way.

Taylor is the first to break the tension, his gaze bouncing between us. “What the hell is going on with you two?”

His boyfriend tugs his arm, throwing me a pointed look before murmuring for him to let it go, but Taylor doesn’t listen.

“Don’t be a dick, dude. You’re literally his best man.”

My back stiffens, and my heart kicks into overdrive as Tyson huffs a small laugh.

“I think there’s some mix-up, because—"

“Let’s get going before it gets too late,” I cut in, my voice sharp. The last thing I want is this discussion happening in the middle of a goddamn casino.

“Uh, it’s a strip club, hermano,“ Christian quips, trying to ease the tension. “Pretty sure you’re not supposed to see it in the light of day.”

Xed scoffs, his movements slow and deliberate as he pats his pockets.

“Come on, Dev,” he mumbles, lighting a cigarette. “I’ll ride with you on your bike. Text us the address.”

And with that, they’re gone.

I stand there, gazing after them, feeling a mix of aggravation and confusion churn in my gut. I don’t know why I even hoped this trip could fix what’s broken between us. Deep down, I know it’s beyond repair.

And I can’t even be mad at him for it. It’s my fault—every bit of it.

“You didn’t tell me your old friend was gay,” Tyson sneers, breaking the silence as we buckle into my car. The tone of his voice makes my hackles rise instantly.

“He’s not.”

Tyson shrugs dismissively. “Bi, then. Or whatever.”

But that’s not right, either. None of it is right.