Page 344 of Double or Nothing

It’s how I treated Jack. How I ghosted him without even the courtesy of hearing him out.

What the hell can I reply with now?

I’m sorry I didn’t read these sooner.

I stare at the words. Then delete them.

Jack, I’ve read everything.

No. Delete.

I’m glad you went back to the casino.

Delete.

I resigned today, but that isn’t why I’m answering. I’m answering because…

Delete.

Fucking hell.

I walk to the window and look out onto the street, darkness gathering. My reflection stares back at me.

Tired.

Frightened.

Alone.

I sit back down and try again.

You were already worth coming back to. I was just too angry to see it.

My throat closes.

I delete that too.

I spend another twenty minutes writing and deleting.

I miss you.

I’m sorry.

Can we talk?

I’m coming over.

Nothing works. Nothing feels right.

I could call him, but I’m petrified of going to voicemail. Or even worse, getting my call cancelled. Another message coming through with a laughing emoji.

Too late, loverboy. Someone else has your keys now.

Please, no. The thought of that brings bile to the back of my throat.

There’s only one way to address this, and that’s in person. I need Jack to see my face as I speak the words, and I need to speak them now.

I call Jack’s casino, The Argent, not Jack directly. I look up the number online.