Page 34 of Those That Defy the Realm

“My parents passed away over the last decade. I was an only child and we were never close to the extended family.”

“I’m sorry.” His hand pauses in the massage and simply rests on my leg.

“Now you’re apologising,” I chastise, but pair it with a smile to make sure he knows I’m teasing.

“I can’t imagine it, being without my family.”

“I don’t mind it to be honest. Call me a loner, but I wasn’t that close to my parents. I missed them initially; it was certainly hard to stay away as I watched them grieve me. With everything being as bad as it was, I decided that I couldn’t burden them with the secret that I was still alive. I kept tabs on them, secretly supported them near the end of their lives. They died within six months of one another and for that I’m weirdly grateful. My mum didn’t have to live alone without my dad for long.”

Ash resumes working on my leg and we sit in silence once more until he moves high enough up my inner thigh that it would be considered more making a move than relieving me of the tension.

“Thank you. That really did help,” I say as he sits back.

He nods but looks lost in thought until his eyes snap to mine. “Okay, I’m just going to say it. With everything going on this is probably a bad idea but I am not one to pass an opportunity or stay quiet when I want something. Do you think about our night together? I feel I’ve been pretty clear that I’m up for a repeat but I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”

For a second, I’m completely taken aback. During our conversation, all my earlier worries had been locked away, I’d simply been enjoying his company. Sure, getting to know him better was only making me like him more but I’d managed to put the sexual attraction aside for what has been a very deep conversation.

“I think about it a lot,” I say honestly, whilst my insides squirm as it also feels like a lie.

“In a ‘I regret ever going there’ way or a ‘yes, I’m down to repeat’ way?” he asks.

“I… er…” I stumble over the words, but ultimately know I am not the kind of guy who can live with deceit. Even if I am not cheating, it’s unfair for him if I’m not upfront. “There’s someone else.”

“Oh.” Ash’s whole body moves away from mine. He doesn’t actually move but the way his legs tense put a few centimetres between us, and an entire invisible wall.

“I’m not seeing them, I’m not in a relationship or anything, but I had been hooking up with them. Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“Yeah, we’d messaged a bit before I came to the Northern Isles. Nothing happened, I thought we were friends. Then when I got here…”

“Here?! You’ve managed to start hooking up with someone and take down an entire vampire pack since you got here?”

Rubbing my face with both my hands because of the way I’m completely making a mess of this, I let out a groan and collect my thoughts. “It’s Claire, Rory’s friend. Before I knew she had any connection to Rory, she and I met on a dating app. We chatted over text for weeks prior to Ty turning up at my apartment. We never thought we’d meet. Let alone that we’d be connected in some way, that I’d be staying in her house for a week. When we were messaging, I thought we’d moved into a friend zone, but then she was there, and it turns out maybe we’re not friends. Or we are… and something more as well. And she’s human, can’t forget that.

“But my point is, I didn’t think you’d be turning up here and I like her. I started something with her that I should at least talk to her about before I entangle myself with you more. And I do want that Ash. I do still think of you. I never expected for us to be granted any more time together. But, I can’t be that guy who messes around with multiple people without being honest. I won’t be that guy.”

It all comes spilling out as Ash listens with a look of complete bewilderment on his face. He almost laughs as I unleash everything I’ve been keeping bottled up, but then his expression turns a little sad as he realises that it means I’m turning him down. “Hey, it’s okay. No hard feelings.”

“I still really like you, though. I never thought I could have such attraction to multiple people at once.” I shouldn’t put that on him. I feel like a dick for doing so. In fact, I have this strange feeling like I’ve ripped myself open and am laying bare at this male’s feet.

“The timing is just wrong.” Now he’s trying to comfort me and I hate myself a little more. “Maybe Solstice was all we were ever meant to have.”

I don’t answer, I have nothing left to say. Nothing that would be of any use anyway. I won’t tell him how I want more, how my stomach has hollowed out with the door that I’ve just closed, how my mind is screaming at me that I’m making some kind of mistake.

This is better. Rip the Band-Aid off and all. If I’m feeling like this now I can’t imagine how I’d feel in a month when he has to leave again. This time for good. I have no idea what will happen with Claire, whether she even wants to see me again in that way, or whether she’s thinking that our interrupted hook up was a mistake.

But I owe her a conversation at least, and I do still want to explore it. Even if it’s as doomed as Ash and I are.

A pounding starts behind my eyes as the silence resumes. The quiet sounds of the night now feel ominous instead of comforting.

“I’m going to go check on Emmerson,” Ash says after a few minutes. It’s an escape for him and I can’t blame him. I would want an out as well, if I’d just been rejected.

“Okay,” I say solemnly, hoping he can hear the apology in that one small word.

His lips open again as if he’s going to say more but slams them closed and shifts again.

I watch him in the corner of my vision as he trots off across the yard and into the trees on the far side.