Page 53 of My Big Fat Shifter Wedding

That intense guilt I’d bragged about not feeling had reared its ugly head. But despite the way it clawed up my throat, whispering that I was a bad daughter, that I was being ungrateful to the wonderful people who raised me, I repeated the mantras that I had been collecting through my months of therapy. Not as life changing as my relationship with Keith, but a very close second.

Or maybe third, because Amanda had also truly become a best friend in such a way I never expected.

“Look, I understand that things have changed a lot since I left my job here and trained Cecilia to take over, but I think, if we both take a moment, we can recognize that I am still very much a part of this family and dedicate most of my time to all of you.”

My mother opened her mouth like she was going to object, but when I gently squeezed her hands twice, she closed her mouth again. That was one of the many things I had always appreciated about the matriarch of our family. While she would make sure you knew her opinion if she was ever upset, she would also be certain to listen to yours.

“I still live here, do I not? Five days out of the week I’m right where I’ve always been. And now that I’ve been doing freelance work online, I’m home more than ever, aren’t I?”

“Si…”

“I still go on every pack run, right? I haven’t missed one of those since college, right?”

Another nod.

“I still help coordinate all the family events, I just don’t take the lead anymore. Don’t you think that Bella’s high-school graduation went really well? Honestly, I think I should have bought another bulk pack of tissues with how much people were crying.”

It truly had been a wonderful day that I was proud to have facilitated, as there had once been a time before Bella got her wolf form that we weren’t sure she’d even make it to that age. Birthing complications and some genetic quirks had given her a rough thirteen years of life before her wolf found her and eased all those challenging issues.

“Yes… I remember. It was beautiful.”

“Besides, even though I handed my notice in almost a year ago, I’m still at the warehouse office at least every other week to help Cecilia, and didn’t I pitch in with the end-of-year reports she was having trouble with?”

I loved my cousin, and I appreciated the effortless enthusiasm she had for the job even if she still only mostly got it. I thought that the younger generation was supposed to be more tech-savvy, but no, that was clearly not the case, because even though Cecilia was only nine years younger than me, teaching her how to use all of Microsoft Office suite had certainly been an interesting ride.

“Si, but⁠—”

“No. No buts, Mama. I understand and acknowledge your feelings, but if we look at the facts, I’m still around and an active part of this family. I understand if you want to know where I’m going for a week, but I need you to respect that after thirty years of being the fixer for a lot of things that shouldn’t have been on me to fix, I now need my own space and time to properly decompress and have my own life.”

“But why all these secrets? I really don’t understand. Are you in trouble, Olivia? You know you can come to us for anything, don’t you?”

I hugged her from the side, squeezing her shoulder gently. I had every right to be annoyed at her for prying, but it was largely harmless and came from a place of concern. I’d heard all sorts of crazy stories of different struggles Keith and his mother had to face with only each other to rely on, and I was grateful there were some challenges I would never have to experience. Even if I occasionally felt used by my family, or they got on my nerves, on the whole, I was so very happy that they were a part of my life.

“I promise I’m not in trouble, Mama. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’m sure you’ve noticed that it’s not only my schedule that has changed. I like myself now in a way I never did before. I don’t think I’m someone to be tolerated by bribing people with a bunch of good deeds. I dress in clothes I actually like instead of the cheapest I could find that fit me, and I’m taking time to do things for myself.”

Tears welled in my mother’s eyes. Had I gone too far? I’d thought everything I was saying was reasonable. But then she stood and pulled me into a tight embrace that told me her tears weren’t sad tears.

“Your hair.”

“What’s that, Mama?” I asked, sure that I had misheard.

“That was the first thing I noticed, mia bella tesoro. You’ve always had such beautiful hair, so thick and healthy, but you never took care of it until recently. When I first saw you with curls so shiny and bouncy, I hoped you could finally see how beautiful you always have been.

“It was then I knew that my daughter, my gorgeous and studious last little girl was truly grown up, and now, with you flourishing and doing so many things outside of the pack, sometimes I worry that you’re gonna grow beyond us.”

“Oh never, Mama, never. I promise you that. My pack means the world to me. So do you. I’m always going to be your little girl.” I squeezed her tighter. She was a wolf, she could handle it. Because while I did enjoy my time hanging out with Amanda and I was madly in love with Keith, I was forever going to be a wolf. That was never going to change. “But you’re right. I’ve realized the kind of woman I could be if I give myself a chance, and that’s what I’m doing now. I’m not in trouble, I promise. Just a new chapter.”

We stayed in that embrace for a while, and I listened to my mother’s sniffles ease. It wasn’t always easy navigating the sort of double life I was living, but it was worth it for these moments of love and affection. Some people lived their entire lives without a parent or guardian to embrace them and see them for what they were, but my parents truly loved me—even if they had some bad habits around their expectations of me.

“Is anyone else here?” I asked when it seemed my mother’s emotional swell had eased.

“Just Massimo playing his games down in the basement. Why?”

“Why don’t you and I head to a nice little café, grab a coffee and some sweet treats, then we can iron out the details of my birthday party.”

At that, my petite mother nearly jumped out of my arms, clapping her hands together. “Are you sure? You would not joke with your mama about such a thing, would you?”

“Never in a million years. You know I’m serious about my sweet treats.”