Page 36 of How To Not Need You

Liv smiles. “I noticed.”

Tilly pats Hades seriously. “He only picks good people.”

Thanks, Tils. No pressure there.

The movie plays. The living room is dark except for the blue light of the screen. Tilly’s breathing slows. Her eyelids get heavier. By the time the robot learns its important lesson about friendship, she’s asleep, mouth slightly open, one hand still clutching Liv’s sleeve.

I carry her to bed. Tuck her in. Kiss her forehead and stand in the doorway for a second longer than I need to, watching her sleep, because these are the moments I try to memorise.

When I come back, Liv is still on the couch, sans Hades. The movie is still running with the volume low. She’s pulled her knees up with her arms wrapped around them, and she looks smaller somehow. Softer. The version of herself that I get the impression that she doesn’t let many people see. I sit down beside her. Closer this time. Close enough that our shoulders brush.

“I really like you,” I blurt, almost wincing at my awkwardness.

The words seem to hang there. I immediately want to snatch them back and try again with something that doesn't make me sound like a teenager. Liv is quiet for a beat. Then, softly, almost reluctantly she replies.

“I kind of like you too.”

I grin so wide my face hurts.

“Yeah you do.” I say.

She slaps my chest. Not hard but a playful tap. I catch her hand and hold it to my chest. Her fingers are warm against mine, and I can feel the slight ridge of a silver ring against my palm. I pull her in. Slowly. Giving her every chance to pull away. She doesn’t.

The kiss is nothing like I expected. Her mouth is warm and she tastes like red wine and garlic bread, which probably means I do too, and somehow that's the thought my brain chooses to produce while I'm kissing Liv Carter for the first time.

Then she makes a quiet sound against my mouth and my brain stops producing thoughts altogether.

We break apart. Her eyes are dark, pupils wide, and she’s breathing like she just ran somewhere.

“Okay,” she says. “That was okay.”

I laugh. “Just okay?”

“Shut up.”

I kiss her again.

She kisses me back.

Somewhere down the hall, Tilly is asleep. Hades has abandoned me for the second woman in this house, and the pasta dishes are still sitting in the sink because apparently neither of us remembered they existed.

Our first official date was supposed to involve a restaurant, flowers and a shirt I actually ironed.

Instead, I nearly set fire to garlic.

Liv is still kissing me.

I’m calling that a win.

Chapter

Seven

Liv

I wonder at what point I became that person. You know the one. The one with a dreamy smile and far away look in her eye when she thinks about the man she is dating. I used to roll my eyes at women like this. Unfortunately, on this very afternoon at my normal weekday haunt of Page & Grounds, I'm forced to admit that's exactly who I am now.

The lunch rush has disappeared, replaced by laptops, quiet conversations and the comforting soundtrack of milk steaming behind the counter. Someone laughs near the front window. Mia, the young barista who I think is made of sugar and all those cliché things, calls out another coffee order. Luca is attempting to convince an elderly regular that yes, she really does want to try the pistachio slice, and no, she wasn't too old to enjoy dessert before dinner.