Page 57 of Against All Odds

Finally, an easy question. “No,” I whispered. For once, I didn’t try to fight the tears that filled my eyes – might be a complication of this strange space that forced your true feelings to the surface. “Of course I didn’t know. If I had known, I wouldn’t have done this. I would never intentionally put Raya in danger like that.”

The four other judges looked at Veritas. He gave one slow nod that tangibly pulled the tension from the air.

I released the breath I was holding. “Does he not speak?” I mumbled to Jurrian – quietly enough to go unnoticed, I thought.

“Veritas prefers observation in silence,” Lexius said sharply, as if offended on his colleague’s behalf.

“Sorry,” I said hastily to Veritas. “I wasn’t trying to be rude.”

Veritas didn’t seem to care much – he barely acknowledged me. Instead, his attention stayed focused on the creepy eye on the table.

“I would like to direct my next question to Soraya.”

Raya flinched, barely noticeably, when Libritius addressed her. Twirling the feather in his hand again, the judge leaned back in the chair, studying her through narrowed eyes as if trying to pull the truth from her. “Previously, Seren mentioned you picked up on her cues even before the astral projection.” He paused. “What was the moment you first sensed her presence?”

Raya’s head snapped toward me. I saw the question in her eyes without her having to name it. I thought she was able to sense me before, but she never confirmed or denied it.

“I—I mean, I had a feeling.” She swallowed thickly, looking to Jurrian and me for reassurance – despite her limited knowledge of the afterlife, she knew damn well she shouldn’t say too much. “I tend—tended—to get myself into dangerous situations,” she mumbled, lowering her gaze. “When I narrowly escaped the first time, I thought it might’ve been luck – but as it kept happening, I couldn’t help but conclude I must have a strong guardian angel.”

Libritius closed his eyes for a moment. He leaned forward to hastily scribble some notes on a parchment, faster than I had ever seen a human write, before glancing back up at Raya. “How did this acknowledgement change the course of your life, Soraya?”

“Well, like Seren said – badly, at first. But that was before she showed herself to me. Since the first time she visited my dreams, I saw how hard she was trying to save me, the risks she took for me – and that made me want to do better.” Raya flashed me a careful smile that melted my heart. “I mean, there were some relapses, but she helped me stay off alcohol and drugs. She encouraged me to get help. I was on my way to do better, really.”

We both avoided the elephant in the room – that she was on the verge of overdosing right before I pulled her into my astral plane, all because I had ignored her for a week. I pushed the thought away, because it twisted my insides so violently, I feared the thought alone might alert Veritas that Raya’s answer was only part of the truth.

“That’s great, but now we’re looking at the outcomes – while intention matters just as much.” Verena clenched her teeth, her grip tightening on the armrests. “And that brings us to the core of the matter, doesn’t it?” She sucked in a sharp breath, those magenta eyes pointing to me once more. “Seren, you went through a lot of trouble to steer Raya’s soul back toward the light.” She paused deliberately. “Did you do so with the intention to save your own, or from a genuine, selfless desire to help Raya?”

Ah, fuck. There it was, the question we all wanted the answer to – most of all, Raya. I saw it in the way her eyes subtly widened, as if she still preferred hearing the truth from me like this, where no lie would make it past Veritas’ all-seeing eye.

And so, I told the truth. Because I didn’t want to doom myself, but more than that, because Raya deserved nothing less.

“At first, it was all about saving my own soul.” I kept my gaze focused on Verena, just so I wouldn’t have to see Raya’s face fall. “Hell… the lower realm… terrified me. Still does. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to prevent it… but that was before I got to know her.” My nails dug into my palms under the table. “Before I saw her, really saw her, and learned that her escapism wasn’t laziness, but survival. That deep down, she wanted to be good – to herself and the people around her, even when she had all the odds against her. That she’s not a bad person, your honor, but someone like me. A once pure soul – like we all were when we came into this world – corrupted by life.”

I struggled to speak for a moment, my throat too tight. “Before I allowed myself to care for her.” I wasn’t sure if this was wise to admit, but telling the truth felt better than hiding anything right now. “I realized that while I might not be able to save my own soul, I should at least try to save hers.”

The silence could be cut with a knife. I refused to look at Raya, refused to look at anyone.

“Aha.” Verena leaned back into the chair with effortless elegance, and for a moment, I thought the flicker in her eyes was one of amusement. “That brings us to my final question for today.” She tilted her head slightly. “Since it is highly unusual that a guardian angel successfully makes themselves known to their assigned – due to the rare combination of a paranormally sensitive assigned and a pragmatically resilient guardian – I feel this question needs to be asked. How did your emotional entanglement impact the trajectory of the assignment?”

I choked on a gasp – didn’t know that was possible in here. At a loss for words, I turned to Raya. She sat up straighter and opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Jurrian interrupted.

“Permission to object, your honor.” He looked at the judges, and when Lexius nodded, he continued. “With all due respect, the guardian experiment is flawed. Though originating from a certainly well-intended desire to give gray souls the chance to redeem themselves, I think the results over the past years have proven this system to be inefficient, don’t you agree? Well over ninety percent of souls fail their assignments; the often reckless use of probmanu leads to strange situations – such as the sewage break Fabian Curtlins was recently banned for – and this…” He gestured to Raya and me, “…certainly won’t be the last time emotional entanglement between guardian and assigned occurs.” He paused. “And can we be surprised? We are asking gray souls – those who couldn’t save themselves – to save another, without proper guidance, without full comprehension of the system. What outcome did we expect?”

A loaded silence filled the room, and I swore I heard its echo reverberate between the walls. I was stunned – not just to finally understand this system that had been a mystery to me all this time, but even more to hear Jurrian fearlessly talk back against five beings that were immensely more powerful than he. Raya’s hand found mine under the table again, and this time I took it without hesitation, squeezing firmly.

“We are constantly assessing and improving the arrangement,” Lexius said finally, his voice icy enough to freeze Hell over. “This is why we are here now, is it not? We have brought in the girls to obtain information, and we intend to use their confessions to tweak the arrangement for more successful results.”

“A young girl’s life ended early.” Jurrian scoffed; the sudden firmness in his voice surprised me. “A hellbeast from the lower realm caught hold of her soul because the lines between the liminal and living realms blurred. None of this would have happened if this experiment had been thought through more intentionally. Is this all just data to you? I understand you are dealing with pressure from above, but gambling with people’s lives like this does not feel right to me.”

Raya shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “I mean, I was not exactly headed toward a better path before Seren.”

Lexius interrupted. “I suggest we save this conversation for another occasion, Jurrian. Now…” Agonizingly slow, he turned to Lytheria, who had been silent until now. “I suppose it is time to proceed to the judgment. The Court thanks you for your collaboration.”

“Wow.” The indignant laugh left me before I could stop myself. Raya’s grip tightened around my hand. “So the whole purpose of this Court hearing was not to plead our case, but to help you better understand your rigged system? And now, our souls will be weighed on a scale like two pieces of cheap furniture?”

“Seren,” Jurrian spoke warningly, but the damage had been done.

Verena’s lips curled with something dangerously close to appreciation. “Your responses regarding the outcomes and intentions are noted by Libritius and me, and they will be considered in the judgment.” She blinked slowly – if my heart had not already belonged to Raya, I would gladly let her hypnotize me with those eyes.