Page 152 of Bratva Menace

I wasn’t sure anything would.

A featherlight touch jolted me out of my stupor. Illayana’s hand was on my shoulder, compassion drenched over every inch of her face. “I know you’re hurting,” she said softly. “I can’t imagine the agony you’re in. How hard it would have been to kill someone you love in order to save another. It was an impossible decision, and I thank you dearly for the choice you made. You saved my brother’s life, and for that, I’ll always be indebted to you.”

Tears gathered in my eyes.

“I know you’re struggling. In your shoes, I would be the same. But you’re not alone. Lukyan wants to be there for you. Stop running from him, and let him help you.”

I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But… “I can’t get his face out of my head,” I said in a small voice. “That look of betrayal in his eyes…It haunts me.”

I cried. I cried harder than I ever had in my life, the tears never seeming to ease.

Illayana reached for me, almost as if she wanted to hug me, but then she stopped herself. “I don’t know you. I don’t know the words to make you feel better. But Lukyan does. You have no reason to believe a word I say, I know that. All I can do is assure you that my brother never would have left you unless he had to. Unless he didn’t have a choice. He would have gladly stayed with you forever if our family wasn’t at stake. I am one hundred percent certain of that. That choice you made…That hard, impossible, soul-crushing choice to save Lukyan wasn’t for nothing. It was for love. A love you both feel. You don’t have to suffer like this. Please. Let me take you to him. Let me help you.”

I looked into her eyes—eyes that reminded me so much of Lukyan’s—and saw nothing but sincerity. Nothing but the desire to help. “I thought you didn’t care.”

She smiled and helped me to my feet. “You’ll come to see I’m full of shit sometimes.”

CHAPTER FORTY

LYLA VOZNESENSKY

After a quick fuck you to Becka and the convenience store, we made a pit stop at my shitty apartment to pick up the few possessions I owned, and then we were on our way. The flight had been long and tedious. Illayana and I didn’t talk much, if at all. I think she could see I needed a bit of time to sort through my thoughts and emotions, which I appreciated.

It wasn’t awkward at all. Partly due to her identical twin guards. Those two bickered more than an old married couple, and the whole thing had been quite entertaining to watch. At first, they’d been on guard around me, much like the other two—whose names I came to find were Lorenzo and Adrian. But once they’d realized I wasn’t a threat to Illayana, they relaxed.

When we pulled up in front of the Volkov estate, the nerves set in. It would be the first time I was walking into that house invited. Every other time I’d been there, it had been to stalk. To sneak in and watch Lukyan do whatever he was doing. I’d been in that house more times than I could count, and yet, this was the first time I was actually nervous to walk inside. Unsure of what was waiting for me.

Illayana said Lukyan missed me. That he wanted me there. That he’d been searching nonstop for me. But I still worried that when he actually saw me, all my fears about our relationship would come true.

That it had all been a game to him.

That he didn’t really care for me.

Miss me.

Love me.

My fingers tightened around the scrapbook in my hands; it was the only thing that calmed me down. It possessed the photos of Lukyan I’d taken when I was watching him. Not all of them, of course. It wasn’t big enough for that. The others were all packed away safely and securely in my bags.

“You okay?” Illayana asked when the car stopped.

“Not really,” I admitted, clutching the scrapbook tighter. “I’m feeling a little nervous, to be honest.”

“Nervous?” she asked, cocking her head. “Nervous about what?”

“Going inside.”

She chuckled, snapping off her seat belt. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t you been inside before?”

“Dozens of times. But this is the first time I won’t be hiding.”

“Hmm.” She looked up at the house in thought before coming back to me. “You have nothing to be nervous about. Everyone will be excited to see you.”

Everyone? What the fuck does she mean by everyone?

“Come on, let’s go.” She got out of the car and made her way to the porch steps.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. It didn’t work. Anxiety beat inside me like a steel drum. The only plus side to the whole thing was that it was the first time in three months that my thoughts hadn’t been consumed by Lev.