Page 35 of Hash

“I just put it on this tray?” Hash asks, coming over with the warmed-up food.

“Yeah,” I answer as I put the breast milk I pumped at work into the fridge. I want to laugh because where else would you put the food, but then I realize he’s probably never been around a baby before, let alone fed one. “He’ll play around with it. Most will probably end up on the floor, but he tries his best.”

Cormac dives in as soon as the food hits his tray, grabbing a fistful and smooshing most of it on his face, missing his mouth entirely.

“Easy, little man. You almost took my finger off.” Hash laughs, a huge smile on his face.

“What did you do today?” I ask, going to dish out the pizza he brought over.

“I said I got it,” Hash grumbles. “Sit down. You want some champagne?”

“Uh, sure,” I answer, a little flustered that he’s demanding to wait on me. I have enough milk stored to pump and dump.

“I had church today and then I fucked around on my Mustang.”

“What?”

“You asked what I did today.” Hash hands me my drink and plate before getting his and sitting down next to me.

“You have a Mustang?” I ask, trying to keep the jealousy out of my voice. I always hated that there was a whole part of Hash I didn’t know. Sometimes it felt like he was living two lives.

“Yup. A ‘67. I’m restoring it. We had an open spot in the garage today, so I brought it in. I’m almost done with it.”

“Are you restoring it to sell it?”

“Fuck no. That baby’s mine. I’ll take you for a ride in her one day.”

“Oh, no. That’s okay.” A ride would mean crossing the line into the world he doesn’t want me in.

“You don’t want to? You loved being on the back of my bike whenever we came back to your place from having drinks with Frankie. You’ll love the stang. More room for activities.” Hash winks.

There it is again.

Now I’m thinking the flowers meant more than the apology I thought it was.

“What do you think is happening here, Hash?” I finally ask as I set my plate down.

“I’m winning you back, Aisling,” Hash says, his voice low and final.

My stomach is in my throat at his admission.

“You can’t win back something that you never had,” I lie through my teeth. He had me. All he had to do was reach, but instead he let me go.

“I didn’t?” Hash challenges daring me to tell him he’s wrong.

“I told you I don’t want to argue in front of Cormac,” I snap.

“We’re just having a conversation, babe. You’re the one catching an attitude.”

“I’m catching an attitude because you’re acting like you brought me fully into your life like I was yours. I wasn’t. I didn’t even know you had a Mustang!”

“Did it ever occur to you that you never asked?”

“You can’t be serious,” I whisper in angry shock. “I shouldn’t have to ask for every little thing I want from you. You should just know what I need. Like the man you’ve been for the last twenty-four hours? That’s what I wanted.”

“You’ve always had me, Aisling. Did you read the note with the flowers?”

“I thought it was an apology.”