Page 26 of Hash

“I’m going to prove to you that I’m here for good. You’ll see.”

A small flicker of hope throbs in my heart, proving that it still beats for him after everything.

Except this time, I’m going to think with my head and not my heart.

Chapter

Ten

HASH

I’ve never felt more like a bigger piece of shit in my entire life than I do right now.

I can’t say I thought kids were in my future with the life I live. It doesn’t seem like the best environment to raise a family. But I would never abandon them.

And that’s what I did.

Seeing Aisling in Hickory Hills about did my head in. One minute I was making sure Emily was okay, and the next I was chasing after the woman who haunts my dreams, hoping my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me.

She had my baby.

My fucking baby.

And I wasn’t there.

Relief is what I felt when Aisling told me we could talk.

Feeling desperate in a way where what you really want in life is slipping through your fingers and you’re helpless to do anything about it is a different kind of torture. But I know I need to do my time with her.

When I walked into her house, I stupidly expected her to greet me with my son on her hip with open arms, but he wasn’t even there. Evidence of his presence was everywhere, making me realize how much I’ve missed out on. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

It kills me she doesn’t want me to officially meet my son until I prove I’m not going anywhere. I get it, though. If the roles were reversed, I don’t know if I would want her around either. I’m a lucky bastard that she’s giving me the time of day to try because Aisling can hold a mean grudge.

If I could turn back time, I would do it in a fucking heartbeat.

But I can’t.

I know she doesn’t believe me when I tell her I’m not going anywhere. I can see the doubt clear as day in her eyes.

My word is as good as gold, and I’ll continue to prove that to her until the day I die. I’m not going anywhere.

The drive back to the clubhouse is a different kind of torture. I didn’t want to leave. The only thing that made it a little better is that this time I did it knowing I would be back.

“Where has your ass been?” Trick walks over from the bar, beer in hand, cigar in the other, and sits down on the couch in the living area.

I pull a joint out from behind my ear before sitting down on the opposite end and lighting it up.

“I was at Aisling’s house.” I’m going to need this to get through all the fucking questions. My brothers are worse than a bunch of bitches.

“Aisling?” Trick asks, looking confused. “Is she a new hang around? I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting her.”

“No, she’s not a fucking hang around,” I growl, the idea of Trick trying anything with her pissing me off.

Does she have a man?

I didn’t even think of asking.

If she does, he’s about to be one sorry-assed motherfucker.