Page 99 of True Blue

Later, later, later.

"I don't deserve her," I croak, tears spilling again. The panic chokes me as I stutter out the broken fragments of my thoughts. "I don't deserve her, I don't—I'm a fucking monster—what did I do? Why? Why didn't I—why couldn't I—she's gone, she's gone..."

Luke sits on the couch next to me, Heath on my other side, and they wrap their arms around me to hold me steady.

I break in their arms, but the only arms I want around me are Indie's, the only voice I want to hear is Indie's, the only person I want is Indie.

And I fucking had her!

I had her, my Indie, my honey, my life. She was mine, she wanted me—above all others—she wanted me.

"What did I do... what do I do..." I gasp, the breath wheezing in and out of me.

I don't know where she is, I don't even know where to start looking.

She blocked my number. She doesn't have an apartment anymore. She's not leaving for Europe for two weeks. Do I even still have the itinerary?

She doesn't have any family—fuck, and I flinch violently at what those words remind me of—to call and ask where she went.

I'm terrified of life without Indie. I loved Nana so much, and losing her hurt. But it was nothing compared to this.

This is ruin. This is agony. This is the worst pain I've ever felt. Indie left because staying with me hurt worse.

Maybe I'm finally feeling what she felt all those months, and the thought of her feeling even a fraction of this is excruciating.

But it's also a reminder that she existed.

I had her once.

Can I get her back?

Are second chances real?

More importantly, can I prove that I deserve a second chance?

I think of Indie's face and realize that I will do anything for her, including leave her alone if that's what she wishes. I love Indie more than anything, but saying it is easier than actually proving it and being the man she needs.

Can I be the man who deserves a second chance?

Yes.

There is no other choice.

And it's that thought that helps me even out my breathing.

Indie's face.

Her voice.

Her smile.

Those true blue eyes.

Indie.

I can be the man she needs. I can be the man she deserves.

If she'll let me.