Page 164 of True Blue

“They do,” I murmur, keeping my eyes on his smiling face. My throat tightens, and I swallow a few times to clear it. My voice sounds strangely thin as I say, “Uh… Teddy?”

His gaze snaps to mine, looking worried now. “What’s wrong, Indie?”

“I wanted to apologize to you.”

Teddy blinks at me, eyes looking left and right.

“For… what?”

Twisting my fingers on the table, I feel awkward in a way I don’t think I’ve ever felt with Teddy.

“For Greece,” I admit quietly. “The last night. When I… told you to crawl.”

Understanding flashes across his face almost immediately. But there’s no shame or embarrassment like I had been terrified of. Still, the longer he doesn’t speak, the more my stomach twists.

“I just keep thinking about it, and I feel guilty,” I rush to say. “I don’t know. I think part of me is worried I treated you the way your mother treated you⁠—”

“No!” he says, the volume of his voice making me jump. He winces, “Shit—I’m sorry, but no, Indie. I… I liked it.”

I blink, reeling. “What?”

“I liked it,” he admits, almost sheepishly.

“You… liked it?” I repeat, seeing him nod. “You’re… you’re serious?”

He nods again.

“Oh my God,” I sigh in relief, burying my face in my hands. “I thought I fucking traumatized you.”

“Quite the opposite,” he mutters, but I don’t think I was supposed to hear it. “No, Indie, I’m okay—really. You didn’t traumatize me. I think I’m already traumatized, so you can’t traumatize someone who’s already traumatized… I think…”

“Oh my God, that doesn’t help,” I mutter, still hiding my face in my hands. “You sound traumatized. I traumatized you.”

Teddy chuckles, and I drop my hands to see his grinning face.

“So, when I was growing up, and my mom told me what to do, it was in a way where I felt like I couldn’t argue or refuse. Like it was non-negotiable. Then—more recently—I felt like if I didn’t obey her, she would harm herself,” Teddy says, his face twisting before he looks up and meets my eyes. “But you… I felt like I could just say no. Right then and there. And you would have stopped. That made me feel safe instead of trapped.”

“I would have,” I nod eagerly. “I would have stopped immediately… I just… I’m sorry, Teddy, I think I got caught up in my own hurt.”

“I know. I put that hurt there,” Teddy dips his head, making me meet his eyes. “Indie, I’m okay.”

I bite my lip, ignoring the way his eyes track me doing that. “You’re being honest with me?”

“That’s all I’m going to be with you now.” Teddy looks a little sheepish now, scratching the back of his neck. “I did… bring it up to my therapist.”

My heart stops, thinking his therapist is going to call me some abusive monster and tell him to run for the hills. And I don’t even want to unpack how the idea of never seeing him again is shredding me apart. It’s like a monkey paw wish.

“She said that with the enmeshment with my mother, her needs became first for me. Managing her emotions. Making sure she was happy. There was always a ‘or else’ that was unspoken.”

My lip curls in disgust.

Teddy grins.

“But with you… I surrendered because I wanted to. Yeah, I’m willing to do anything to make things right. I wanted to please you. I wanted… you,” he swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I never felt trapped with you. I felt free, instead.”

My face heats, that feeling coiling in my gut like a shot of whiskey.

“It didn’t feel like your emotions were hinging on me obeying you. I just wanted to show you that I was listening. In any way you needed. And that was… how I did it.”