Page 79 of Ice Queen

There are so many things I want to ask, like how she met her ex, what his last name is, where he was last seen… But I’m trying my damn hardest to tamp all that down, especially because I already pushed her too far today. She may be trying to act normal, but I feel the tension she’s still holding on to. She isn’t relaxed with me like she was last night.

Her heart may have forgiven me, but her brain and her body are still in fight or flight. I’ve never hated my reactions more than I do right now.

I called Dr. Williams on the way home from her apartment. I was making myself sick, so afraid of letting myself lean into whatever this is. Thinking that the second I go on the road, something out of my control is going to happen, and I’m going to spiral all over again.

Thankfully, he walked me through more than one breathing exercise and told me to focus on the realization that I didn’t fail the first time. I did try to do everything I could to keep Millie safe. And I was doing everything I could to make sure Kait is safe when I’m gone. But no amount of preparation can keep you from the unexpected, and that’s a possibility that’s circling the back of my mind.

“Don’t apologize.” I lean my head against the top of hers. “I want this to be a place you feel comfortable enough to just be you.”

A beat of silence passes before I admit, “I like you.”

Her head tilts back, her eyes burn a hole in my soul when she says, “I like you, too.”

We hold each other's gaze, neither of us wanting to break the connection. She blinks and then moves away from me on the couch. I frown, but only for a second, because her head meets my thigh, hair flowing over the top of it. I run my fingers through it, over and over, until she’s lightly snoring.

Smiling to myself, I rest my head against the back of the couch. Leaving tomorrow is going to suck.

Playoffs Round One, April 19

Did you know that sleeping on long plane rides prevents insanity brought on by your teammates arguing over which is better, the butt of bread or an inner slice?

Okay Olaf…

Inner slice for sure. The butt is too thick.

There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.

You don’t like a thick butt?

I like your butt. I literally thought you had the most biteable ass when I saw you at Romance night.

Well, before I knew it was you.

And then after you knew it was me, you didn’t think that anymore?

Are you fishing for compliments, Casanova?

Come on, Princesa. Stroke my ego.

Is that his name?

Wait, do guys even name their dicks?

I groan before letting out a laugh that has Monroe raising a questioning brow.

“The girls watching the game together tonight?” He asks.

I nod, pushing a hand through my hair. “Yeah, Kait said they’re coming to the house. Hannah’s bringing Harley.”

“Oh! Doggy playdate.” He claps in front of him. “How are things with Kait going?”

His question has me rearing back. “What?”

“Come on, Sammy. Give a guy some credit.” He laughs, pulling his hair up into his signature bun. “You’ve been a hell of a lot happier since she’s been around.”

“It’s not…” I sigh, not knowing how to tell him how I feel because I don’t even know.

How do I even begin to explain how her mere presence silences the demons that dance in the dark confines of my mind? That her smile loosens the rubber band that’s been wrapped around my heart, squeezing to the point of pain for all these years. Yet at the same time, it terrifies me to no end, because I know I wouldn’t survive losing someone else, let alone her.