Page 132 of Cold Mercy
“You really don’t miss a chance to complicate things, do you?” I say, my voice trembling slightly. “You have a nasty habit of getting into people’s heads. Existential future planning in a photo booth? Brilliant move.”
“That’s not what I was doing,” he says.
“You say things like that,” I say quietly, “after everything you’ve done to me, and you’re genuinely surprised I don’t believe you?”
He doesn't interrupt.
“You lie. You disappear.” My eyes finally lift to his, sharp and incredulous. “And now I’m supposed to believe you’d cross a continent for me? Now?”
“For you?” he says evenly. “I’d do so much worse.”
“Oh, really?” I ask with a trembling voice. “Like what, Thomas? Like leaving me standing alone in the pouring rain right after you looked me in the eye and told me I mean nothing to you? Is that your idea of doing ‘worse’? Because congratulations, it worked perfectly.”
Thomas flinches, the easy confidence draining from his posture as he runs a hand roughly through his hair.
“No, Sophia, of course not. I said those things because I wanted to protect you,” his eyes dropping to the ground for a heavy second before finding my eyes again.
“There is a part of me, a past that I am deeply ashamed of, and I couldn't bear the thought of you seeing that part of me. I was so terrified of what would happen when my reality finally caught up with us that I panicked and ran like a coward. Those feelings…everything I feel when I’m near you…it’s all entirely new to me, and I know I acted like an absolute bastard because I didn't know how else to protect you from the mess I am.”
I need to push him away. I need to hurt him before he hurts me again. I need to make him leave because I don't have the strength to leave him myself.
“Stop it,” I snap. “Just stop the bullshit talk. You think that the kiss means something? It doesn't.”
I step closer, my voice dropping to a cruel whisper.
“I let you kiss me because you’re hot, Thomas. That’s it. I see a pretty face and a body I want to touch, just a distraction. There is nothing inside you I want, so accept it and leave me alone.”
He stares at me for a beat, the light in his eyes dimming, hurt flashing across his face before he masks it.
But then he steps closer, invading my space until I have to tilt my head back to look at him. A dark, knowing smile curls his lip.
“Liar,” he murmurs, his thumb brushing my jaw. “We both know that’s not true, princess. You don't kiss a distraction like that. You don't shake when a distraction touches you.”
He leans down, his voice a rough caress against my ear.
“You want all of me. The mess, the trouble. You’re just too scared to admit it.”
I exhale hard, rubbing a hand over my face.
“This conversation doesn’t make any sense,” I mutter. “None of this does.”
I turn, already stepping away. “I’m going back to the table.”
I turn to leave, but his hand shoots out, catching mine before I can take a step. The contact is surprisingly gentle, his warm, solid palm covering my own in a gesture that feels less like a command and more like a plea.
“Then make it make sense,” he says, lower now. “Just don’t walk away from me.”
I pull my hand away, the warmth lingering on my skin like a burn.
Why should I believe him? Why should I trust a man who treats me like a toy he can pick up and put down whenever he feels like it? Nothing he says makes sense.
I walk back to the table alone, sinking into a chair away from the crowd. I stare at the tablecloth, fighting back the tears stinging my eyes.
He thinks it's easy. That he can just flash those eyes and shoulders, offering a tragic, mysterious part of his past as a key to my forgiveness. I want to know his past, even the darkest one, as long as it is sincere. I want to know his daily worries, meet his family, see his disadvantages; I want all of that. I mean…I wanted. Three months ago.
Suddenly Maya bursts into the tent, scanning the crowd frantically. Her eyes land on me, and she sprints over.
“Sophia!” she pants, skidding to a halt. “Okay, so there is a thing. Like a really urgent thing, and I need you.”
