Page 87 of Sin for You

I’d tried to fight it, but somehow his words had dug in throughout the day, had dug deep. Had gotten in my head. Had hurt.

I sighed. I mean, I was over him. I was. The only feeling I had where he was concerned was regret that I’d given my heart to another asshole unworthy of my love and affection.

I was so done with men. Done.

I drew in an unsteady breath, fighting the tears I’d been holding since Bull ended it, and I slumped on the couch. God, that had hurt a million times more than finding Bevan cheating. It didn’t even come close to the devastation of losing Bull.

I didn’t know what to do with that, was too afraid to unpack those emotions and think about what that might mean.

To avoid having to think about it, I’d been staying at Cassy’s in her guesthouse the odd night when the quiet got too much. How pathetic was that?

Even more tragic, and something else I didn’t want to look too closely at, I was sleeping in the bed Bull had slept in when we were at the ranch for Cassy’s birthday, hugging the pillow he’d used like that would somehow make me feel closer to him.

And on more than one night there, I’d let it all get in, had let the pain settle deep and the tears had flowed.

Cassy had invited me over for dinner again tonight, but after my shift I’d decided I needed to stop using her and that room in the guesthouse as a crutch. I also didn’t feel much like company after Bevan’s little bombshell.

I’d even told Cassy that I’d been seeing someone and we’d broken up, without mentioning any names, because there was no hiding that I was hurting, and it just made it easier.

The truth was, I missed Bull—down to my bones.

Yes, I saw him at work. The last week he’d been there for every one of my shifts. But it wasn’t the same. In fact, it was exhausting pretending that I was fine, that I wasn’t broken up over him. It took all my energy. And again, something I didn’t want to think about.

Which was why I’d handed in my notice today. I couldn’t be here, be around Bull anymore.

He’d hurt me. God, he’d crushed me, which meant ending it was exactly what needed to happen. I’d allowed my emotions to get involved, and that was on me.

Bull had his own issues and they caused him to be protective. He needed to be needed, I knew this. That’s all it was; that’s all it could be. His feelings didn’t go deeper than that. It was only a few weeks ago that he had no interest in me, that he’d pulled away from me when I tried to kiss him. Was I supposed to believe that he’d suddenly fallen for me?

No, I’d done this to myself. You would think I’d have learned my lesson by now.

I was curled up, an hour into The Notebook, tears streaming down my face, tears that really had nothing to do with the movie—and you guessed it, something else I wasn’t going to analyze too deeply either—when someone banged on the door. I jumped, knocking my popcorn onto the floor.

Scrambling off the couch, heart racing, I rushed to the door. “Who is it?”

“It’s me.”

My hand flew to the door handle before my brain joined the party, but I stopped myself from yanking it open. “What are you doing here, Bull?”

“Can we…can we talk?”

I pressed my forehead against the door. “Is it a work thing?”

“No.”

My heart started banging around in my chest. “Bull—”

“Please, sweets, will you let me in?”

I was powerless against that voice, that deep and rough yet soft voice. I unlocked the door and opened it.

He stood there, hand resting on the doorframe, head dipped. As soon as the door opened, his thickly lashed brown eyes lifted from his boots, and he looked down at me. Melted chocolate—gentle and soft.

Alarm bells started going off in my head, but it was too late to slam the door shut because he was already walking in and I was backing up into the hall.

“I think maybe we should talk tomorrow, when I’m at work.” With other people around to stop me from making another stupid mistake.

He shut the door and his gaze moved over me, a frown on his face. “Why are you backing away from me?”