Page 76 of Beautiful Killer

“The phone call?” I fucking knew there was something wrong.

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t tell me because?” I bit out. I wasn’t angry with her, but I hated that she’d felt she couldn’t tell me, that she’d been trying to deal with it on her own. Sunny was good at that, keeping her emotions locked up tight. I didn’t want her to do that, not with me. Yeah, that made me a hypocrite, but that’s how I felt.

“I was . . .” She blew out a breath. “I was in shock. I know this isn’t what you want . . .”

“Sunny . . .”

“I’m keeping it,” she said, finality in her tone. “I’m keeping this baby.”

The way she said it, the way she was looking at me, like she was waiting for the worst, expecting the worst from me, was a knife to the gut. It was understandable, of course. I’d made it clear I wasn’t interested in becoming a father, in having a relationship. But the baby was growing inside her, not me; the decision was hers. I took her in, that blank look back in her eyes, locked up tight again, and I snapped, lost my goddamn shit. “Stop it,” I gritted out.

I took the steps separating us and grabbed her shoulders. “Do not lock me out, Sunny, not about this. Don’t give me your blank looks and fake fucking smiles. Don’t pretend you’re fine when you’re not. Not with me. I need to know what you’re thinking, you understand? I can’t deal with this if I don’t know what you’re thinking . . .”

“I’m scared,” she said, voice breaking. “I’m so damn scared.”

I slid my fingers under her chin and tilted her head back, pulse hammering at the side of my throat. “I want you to move in with me,” I said, surprising the shit out of myself.

She tried to pull away, eyes slicing up to mine. “What?”

“It’s where you should be. Where I need you to be.”

She blinked up at me. “But . . . why? We don’t need to . . .”

“You’re carrying my baby, Sunny. It’s my job to keep you both safe.”

She bit her lip again and I wanted to suck it. I wanted to thrust my fingers in her hair and kiss that maddening mouth until she spilled all her damn secrets. Yep, total hypocrite.

“You’re okay with it, with me keeping the baby?” she said.

I had to clear the tightness from my throat before I could speak. “It’s your decision. You want to have it, I’ll support you.” And I would, in whatever way I could. I’d make sure she had every damn thing she needed.

She hugged herself. “And I appreciate that, I do, but I don’t need to be living with you for you to do that. I’ll shut the shop for a while, stay at Julia’s apartment until we know . . . who was driving that car.” She shook her head, and I got a whiff of vanilla. Christ. “I don’t want you to put yourself out, or make any big changes for me. I have money, I can support this baby. You never asked for this, I’ll understand if you don’t want to get involved.”

I brushed her hair back from her face, tucking some of the wild strands behind her ear, unable to help myself. She’d just found out she was pregnant, to a man who said he didn’t want kids. She was scrambling, scared. Now was not the time to keep what I was feeling close to my chest, no matter how much those feelings terrified me. “I care about you, Sunny, you know that, and I sure as fuck haven’t stopped wanting you. I don’t know what happens next, but I want to be there for you, for both of you.” She started to shake her head and that fist in my gut tightened. “You don’t need to make any decisions now, about your future . . . our future. But until we catch this guy, I want you at my place, with me. Any farther ahead than that, we’ll discuss when all this shit has calmed down.”

“What are you suggesting? You and me . . . a relationship?” she whispered.

I paused. “Maybe.” Fuck, I couldn’t do that, could I? Have that, with her? Right then, I could admit I wanted it, and this baby. And as shitty as it sounded, I’d been given the excuse I needed to take that for myself. To have that with her. My heart started beating faster.

She swallowed, her slender throat working. “I . . . I care about you, too, which is why I’m not sure this is a good idea. Right now, we get along, and if you decide you want to be a part in this baby’s life, we need a good relationship. What if we try for more and it doesn’t work out, what if it ends in a disaster? We could destroy that . . . we could . . .”

“Let’s not think that far ahead,” I said, throat still tight as fuck. “Let’s just keep you safe, then go from there,” I said again. Sunny may have some reservations, but it was the right thing to do. Sunny, the baby, were my responsibility. I didn’t deserve her, but turning my back on her and our baby because of that fact, hurting an innocent child, wouldn’t help absolve the sins I already carried around on my soul. There was no choice. I had to be what Sunny needed, what our kid needed.

Even if that meant pretending to be the kind of man I wasn’t.

Something curled around the icy fist still gripping me, warm and strong, easing the pain in the pit of my stomach, a pain I’d been living with for over a year. It was so foreign, it took a minute to figure out what the hell it was.

Happiness.

I took a startled step back, suddenly needing to get out of there before the guilt suffocated me. “I have some things I have to do,” I choked out. “Ruby will take you home. I’ll be over to pick you up tonight.” Then I shut the door behind me and headed for the elevator.

I needed some fresh air, then I needed to beat the shit out of something.