Page 21 of Swerve (Boosted Hearts 1)

She popped the button and slid down my zipper, freeing my cock. I was barely hard. She dropped to her knees, licking her lips, fingers curling around my dick. “You ready?”

I felt numb.

Then she looked up at me, brown eyes clashing with mine and I jolted. This felt wrong, so damn wrong. I couldn’t do it. Jesus fucking Christ. A beautiful woman was on her knees in front of me, my dick in her hand, and I couldn’t fucking do it.

My phone rang right at that moment, thank fuck, saving me from having to come up with some bullshit excuse. I gripped her chin and shook my head. “Gotta take this.”

She pouted prettily. I felt nothing. I just wanted her to get the fuck out.

“You mind?” I motioned to the door.

“Come find me later?” Then she quickly picked herself up and walked out the door, shutting it behind her.

Dragging the phone from my pocket, I stared at the screen. A contact for one of the jobs I was working.

It bordered on insane how badly I’d wanted it to be Ruby calling me.

Shit. I dropped my head back against the wall, a rough, shaky breath bursting past my lips. I was sitting in the back of a strip club, limp dick still out after turning down a blow job, hoping the woman I wanted more than anything in this world would call me. Yeah, this felt wrong on so many levels. In ways I was not prepared to think about too deeply. My situation, how out of control I’d allowed myself to behave with her these last few months, became clear. I’d let down my guard. I’d fucked up, in a big way.

I held the phone, so damn tempted to call her. Stay the hell away from me. She wanted me to back off, leave her alone. I didn’t blame her. If I called, we’d be back to square one. I couldn’t do that to her or to me. I had to quit Ruby, get my damn feelings under control. And the only way I could do that, was cold turkey.

I was too damn weak. If I caved and called, if I heard her voice, I’d do whatever she wanted me to. I’d kiss her again, and this time I wouldn’t stop.

I turned my phone off, shoving it back in my pocket, my dick back in my jeans and, feeling sick to my fucking stomach, got the hell out of that fucking club.

CHAPTER SIX

Ruby

Grabbing a beer and my book from my room, I hit the couch.

I’d thought going back to the King Agency today to get my stuff would have had me regretting my decision to leave. Surprisingly, it hadn’t. If anything, my resolve was even stronger.

I loved the guys that worked there like brothers. Which was exactly why I had to leave. They were all too close to me. All of them had known me as the scared, emotionally abused little kid I’d once been, and I was starting to get the feeling that was how they’d always see me. I wanted to do P.I. work. I wanted to be out in the field making a difference, and if I stayed where I was, I was never going to get my chance. I’d finally let go of that last sliver of hope, that one day Neco and me would be more.

He felt responsible for me. Saw me as someone that he needed to protect. Probably because he’d saved my ass too many times to count. But I didn’t need that from him anymore. I could save myself. Unfortunately, the damage was done. He’s seen me at my worst, and he couldn’t see past it, to the Ruby I was now.

The truth hurt like a son of a bitch, but it shouldn’t be a surprise.

My mind drifted back to that place, that time, before I could stop it.

Neco had given me some money for my birthday and he’d looked so proud when he handed it to me. I didn’t like that he was working for Tomas, but it seemed to make Neco happy. He could buy things for his mom. He told me all the time that when he could finally make real money, he’d make sure she never had to be with another man she didn’t want. I didn’t know exactly what he did for Tomas, but I didn’t care, I was proud of him, too.

I pulled my new dress over my head. I’d bought it with the money he’d had given me. It was deep purple and I loved it like crazy. It had thin straps that showed off my shoulders and sat mid-thigh. I was sixteen now. Mature. I wanted Neco to see me that way, too.

Pushing my door open, I peeked out to check the coast was clear. Valery was not in a great mood. She hadn’t even wished me happy birthday. Not that that was anything new. Neco’s mom had made me a cake, though, a chocolate one, and we’d had it for breakfast. I’d walked out of his room this morning and she’d been standing in the kitchen waiting for me, the cake in the center of the table. It’d had candles and everything. She was more like a mother to me than Valery had ever been. Neco’s mom didn’t care that I slept there most nights. She also never asked questions, which I was grateful for.

Valery was asleep on the couch, the TV blaring. Yes! I started to sneak past the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Crap. I should have gone out the window, but I was scared I’d catch or tear my dress on the way out. I ducked my head back around the door. “For a walk.”

“Let me see you,” she said.

I moved into the doorway.

“You look like a slut.”