Page 97 of The Plus One Pact

Because it means I can get hurt again.

But then I can't.

I can't marry Romeo. There's no future here. The man's job is sleeping with other people. I'm not nearly evolved enough to pay my bills with the orgasms my husband gave other women.

And, sure, he has a goal of opening this coffee shop with his brother, but he can’t count on success there. Most small businesses close in the first five years. He would be smart to keep his day job. I can’t ask him to risk his future.

We don't know each other that well.

But we are getting there. Sorta.

"No, not a suit." Cynthia laughs, pulling me back to the moment. "But not a gown either. Something less formal. A cocktail dress, maybe, and not white. Who needs white? It's not like I'm pretending I'm a virgin."

"Absolutely not," Romeo laughs, from his spot at the bar.

"I suppose I should figure that out," she says.

"Maybe I can help," I offer. "Actually, maybe my friend Meredith can help. She always looks so cool. She's at a meditation retreat, but she's texting me non-stop to try to get a break. She'd be happy to offer feedback on a few pictures."

Cynthia smiles. "Okay. We can go shopping tomorrow. Escape a few activities, maybe." She looks to Romeo and shakes her head. "No boys allowed."

"I don't remember volunteering."

"What do you think about a bright color?" I ask. "I love not doing white. Why pretend this is your first time at bat?"

"I think everyone likes to pretend a little, don't they?" Cynthia asks. "That our partners never had anyone as good or fun or exciting as us?"

"You two started dating when you were seventeen," Romeo says. "Who was he experimenting with?"

Cynthia shoots Romeo a look I can't quite place. One with familiarity. A platonic connection. Or a familial one maybe. Maybe they already feel like siblings.

Or maybe it's oh, isn't it cute that Ivy doesn't know the typical social norms around sex.

I do forget most people aren't open. I do forget that conversations aren't podcast interviews, that I'm not here as Dr. O… or even Dr. Vaughn.

"Daniel doesn't like to talk about that kind of stuff," Cynthia says. "I understand that. I don't mind the stories of his sex life, but I hate hearing about how much he loved his first girlfriend." She grabs the pepper from a high shelf and stares at the grater. "Why do we do that? Why do we want to pretend someone didn't love before?"

"It's easier, in some ways," I say. "If you believe this is the first time. Even if it's not."

"I think, for you, it is." She motions to Romeo. "What a gift. To find a man who's never loved before."

My cheeks flush. It's not an act. It's real shyness. But, hey, that's why I'm here. I lean into it. "Even if it's not… I think, with every new person, love is a little different. Even if we've loved before, we've never loved quite like this."

"That's what she tells me," Romeo adds, "so I don't cry myself to sleep."

"That is a role reversal." She laughs. "A man jealous of a woman's emotional commitment. A woman jealous of a man's sexual past."

"I'm not." And that is true. I'm not sure why. I'm not usually this, well, mature. But then again, we're not actually together. I like him, I do, but I know he's not my boyfriend. I know exactly where to draw the line.

"Because he was never with anyone he loved." Cynthia nods. "I get that."

"But sometimes that sex is the best," I say. "The flings and hookups where you experiment. My best friend… she had this torrid affair in Barcelona. She liked the guy, yes, but she didn't love him or see a future. But they did all this wild stuff and… I don't know. There can be a connection there. A special connection. Not for me, really. I struggle with casual. But for a lot of people… a lot of men, it works."

Something flickers on Cynthia's face. Some understanding. "I know someone like that. I love hearing her stories."

I nod in agreement.

"But they feel like stories to me. Not that I begrudge her a little poetic license. We all exaggerate to entertain our friends." She meets my gaze. "So, it really doesn't bother you, that he's so…"