Page 132 of Forever Dead

Robert rarely talked about that period from his own perspective. The family story had always centered on her mother because the cancer had happened to her. Everyone else had orbited the illness and adjusted as best they could.

“I thought if I let you and Diane see how scared I was, it would make things worse,” Robert continued. “So, I kept telling both of you everything was going to be fine.”

Selena remembered those reassurances. She had believed none of them.

“You weren’t convincing.”

Robert smiled faintly. “No. I suppose I wasn’t.”

“Diane tried to take over everything.”

“She did. Cooking, cleaning, reminding me about appointments I’d already written down. Drove me mad.”

“That sounds like her.”

“You went the other way, Lena.”

Selena rested both hands on the top of the cane.

Robert continued, “You stopped talking. You’d disappear out back or go off walking. If I asked what was wrong, you’d tell me nothing.”

“I was thirteen.”

“I realize that now. Back then, I kept thinking there had to be something I could say to fix it.”

“There wasn’t.”

“No.”

Robert’s attention dropped for a moment. “Eleanor understood that before I did.”

Selena remembered Eleanor finding her crying at school.

“She called me after she found you crying at school,” Robert said. “Asked permission to check in on you.”

“You never told me.”

“There was no reason to. She didn’t want you thinking we’d arranged some sort of counseling behind your back.”

Selena almost smiled. “I would’ve hated that.”

“She said you might.”

“Smart woman.”

Robert nodded. “When she started coming over on Wednesdays, I told myself it was mostly about schoolwork.”

“It wasn’t.”

“No. I worked that out.”

Selena remembered those Wednesday afternoons and the relief of talking to someone who wasn't frightened by her fear.

“I could talk to her,” Selena said.

“I noticed. I wish it could have been me.”

“Dad...”