Page 70 of The Changeling

‘From Dunbar Castle? The only way I can escape these walls is to fling myself from the battlements, or to have the gate opened for me, and he will not let me go if I do not promise to marry him. There is no way out.’

‘But he is already married!’ I cried.

‘He has filed for divorce.’

‘So soon after the king’s death? People will think you and Lord Bothwell planned the murder so you can be together.’

Mary covered her face with her hands. ‘I have no choice! Can you not see that? I am captive here. He will kill me if I do not marry him, and then my baby son will be king at a court of wolves! This is my only hope of bringing peace.’ She looked at us pleadingly. ‘You must promise me never to tell.’

As we promised, the door crashed open. Lord Bothwell strode in. ‘Out!’

I did not move, glaring up at him. He struck me so hard, I fell. Carlin snarled at him and he kicked her in the gut. ‘Out, I said!’

Mary made a little defeated gesture. Helplessly, we withdrew.

‘So, madam, let us hope you welcome me more warmly today,’ Bothwell said, kicking the door shut behind us.

Every day he ravished her, sometimes several times a day, and every time we could do naught to help her. A kind of iron entered my soul. I wished him dead, I wished I could kill him myself, I wished I knew how to curse. I tried, pacing up and down, my hands over my ears, muttering, Make him suffer, make him suffer, make him suffer.

My words had no power.

On the first day of May, I could not lay a bunch of flowers for the Lady at dawn as I had always done. I had to content myself with lighting a candle as the light faded. I poured some water into a silver bowl to take to my poor queen, so she could scrub herself clean. The candlelight gleamed on the water, making of it a mirror.

As I bent to lift the bowl, the water rippled and swirled of its own volition. The heady scent of hawthorn blossoms rose into the air.

Queen Quickthorn, my mother, gazed back up at me, her hair and eyes dark under her white circlet of mayblossoms.

I gasped and sprang away.

‘My daughter, please listen. I mean you no harm. I cannot compel you, but I can beg of you. Please listen to me. You are in danger.’

I was shivering, and felt an impulse to swallow, but my throat was so dry and stiff I could not manage it. I set my hands on the table, steadying myself, and looked down into the water.

‘My daughter, it is time for you to leave this mortal queen. You cannot help her now. All is in motion. There is nothing you can do to save her. She will fall and she will take you down with her. Leave her now and save yourself.’

‘I canna leave her. This is all my fault. If I had no’ …’ My voice failed me.

‘You loved a man and cooked your desire into little bites of deliciousness. There is no harm in that. It is not your fault the mortal queen succumbed to her lust. She made a choice, and now she must face the consequences.’

‘It is my fault,’ I said stubbornly. ‘Everything. I cooked the may-blossom cakes, so she fell in love with Darnley and married him. I summoned the blizzard and she was blamed. I told the earl of Moray he would rule in all but name, and so he plotted against her. I …’

‘That one, he has always plotted against her. You told him nothing that he had not already been striving for. Do not take his sin upon yourself.’

‘But if I hadna told him …’

‘The outcome would have been the same. You are not to blame.’

Despite myself, I was comforted. ‘The mayblossom cakes … I didna ken I could stir my own feelings into the food that I make … If I hadna, none of this would have happened.’

‘Your magic is powerful. You must learn to control it. Come to me, let me help you, let me teach you.’

‘I want naught to do with your magic,’ I said.

‘You are full of magic to your very fingertips, my daughter. Magic is your heritage, your gift. You can no more quench your magic than you can make your eyes blue. Perhaps I made a mistake to send you amongst those who have such puny powers. I should have kept you with me, I should have taught you. It is not too late. Come now, come to me, and I will teach you how to cast a curse, I will teach you how to make that ravisher suffer, I will teach you anything you wish to know. You could bring that faithless boy crawling on his knees to you – you could make him love you forever.’

My hands jerked and I flipped the bowl over, spilling water everywhere. Wiping my eyes with my sleeve, I seized a cloth and began to frantically mop up the spilt water. I wanted it so very much. The power to curse, the power to make Bothwell suffer, the power to bring Robbie back to me. The temptation was almost more than I could bear. Do no harm, do no harm, I chanted to myself.

Mistress Gowland found me on my hands and knees, rubbing at a spotless floor and sobbing. She knelt beside me, put her arms about me, and drew my head to rest against her. I cried helplessly, and she made soft soothing sounds, like Mam would have done. At last, I composed myself.