Page 77 of Off the Post

I press my lips together in a pensive smile. “I’m here to see Ali.”

It takes him a second to put two and two together, although it’s probably the wrong two. He gestures for me to step inside with a wave.

“Oh yeah. But, dude, you didn’t have to come all the way over here to help her out with that work mess. Since you did, want a beer?”

I shake my head. “Nah, thanks, man. I need to talk to Ali about something more personal.” I let that sit between us and watch as his wide grin slowly shifts into a scowl.

“Personal in what way, bro?” he asks, pulling a beer from the fridge for himself.

A movement at the corner of my eye has me turning to see Ali striding down the hallway. She’s barefoot and wearing a bikini top and beach cover-up over a pair of shorts. My chest feels flayed open, and I take a sharp intake of breath, trying to locate something to say.

“Hey, Ali.”

Not the most original, but at least it’s something.

She falters as she gives me a wan smile.

“Hi, Soren.” With a wide arc of her arm, she gestures toward the outdoor patio. “Would you like to talk out there?”

I look out the open glass slider, back to her, and then to Rossy, who is staring at us both with a baffled look on his face. He takes a swig of beer.

“I don’t know what’s going on here, but you both are acting weird.” Rossy’s gaze bounces from Ali to me. He set his bottle on the counter, crosses his arms, and puffs up his chest, glaring at me. “What’d you do, Wolf?”

I glance down at my feet and do as my therapist has suggested when I’m in stressful situations or feel anxiety threatening to overwhelm me. I count five things I can see and breathe in and out through my nose to calm my nerves.

When I raise my eyes again, I look directly at Rossy. “I came to apologize to Ali for being a dick to her.”

This earns a laugh from Tanner. “Dude, you’re a dick to everyone.”

I shrug and turn to Ali, who now looks more than a little petrified as she chews on her bottom lip, her blue eyes wary.

“Maybe so, but it’s not the way I want to be. Especially toward someone I love and care deeply for.”

A disgruntled noise comes out of Rossy and Ali’s eyes grow wide as saucers—in shock or embarrassed disbelief, I’m not sure. But I forge ahead with what I have to say anyway. I need to get this all out.

I step toward Ali and take her trembling hand in mine. She peers from underneath her lashes at her brother and then looks up at me.

“Ali, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to finally get to this point. I have been living in a mental hell the last four years, locked in a prison of my own grief and sorrow over the death of my brother. I blamed myself for his death.” I pause, and Ali gasps. I draw her hands up to my chest and hold them there.

“I wasn’t there for my brother when he needed me most. The way I dealt with that guilt was to become a shell of a man, with no room for love and no place for forgiveness in my heart.”

I inch a step closer and cup her face in my hands. I stare longingly for a moment at her lips and the inviting way they part, as if waiting for me to press my mouth to hers.

The corners of my mouth curl up when her breath catches. It’s a sign that she still feels something for me and could forgive me for being an idiot.

“My sister-in-law, Anna, said something to me recently that finally made me realize how deep a hole I’d dug for myself. The only way out was to talk to someone. So I started seeing a grief counselor.”

“A shrink?” Rossy cries out in disbelief. I return the glare.

Ali’s eyes well up with unshed tears. “I knew there was something going on, but I thought it was that you didn’t care for me the way I cared about you.”

“Oh Jesus. Are you two fucking?”

Ali and I both respond with a resounding, “Yes!”

Tanner makes a loud noise of discontent but says nothing more. I am a tad impressed.

“I need you to know it’s so much more than that. I love you, Ali. You’ve unlocked something inside me, and you’ve made me feel seen behind the persona I have used as protection against the world. You’ve brightened my life with your warm smile and your pure heart. I want all of you, all the time.”