Page 62 of Off the Post

The wind gets knocked out of my lungs, and I gasp for breath.

“Mein Gott,” I mumble. It feels like I’ve been ripped open with a cleaver. “That’s awful.”

You’d never know by Nicolas’s behavior and his never-ending smile what he’s gone through at such a young age. I wish he could teach me how to get through the grief that eats away at me.

Melanie clutches her bag to her chest in a protective manner, her own small version of armor, just like my helmet is for me. “It was. It is,” she agrees, a wan smile turning up at the corners of her mouth. “It was you, Wolf, who helped Nicolas regain his bright spirit.”

I pinch my brows together, my voice incredulous. “Me?”

“Nicolas found you—The Wolf—and made you his hero,” she says. “You’re tough and scary and give off a sense of mental and physical strength when you protect your team’s net. It’s metaphorical, for sure, but Nicolas grabbed onto your image as a big, strong, lone wolf and used it as an assist against his own heartbreak.”

Sounds of laughter draw my attention. I look toward the tables and find Ali kneeling beside Nicolas. They’re both laughing over something that was said, and I can’t hear the words being spoken, but Nicolas is animated, his whole body coming alive as he communicates.

I’m not sure if I can process what Melanie has shared. It’s a heavy, profound weight to realize this kid looked to me for strength as he navigated traumatic waters when I’m the one who’s drowning in my own grief and barely knows how to survive.

The irony is not lost on me.

I know, without a doubt, that had it not been for hockey, I may not have even been here. Which makes me feel even shittier now that I’ve learned what Nicolas has experienced in his young life. I’m not hero material. He is.

My thoughts are interrupted when Tanner approaches us from behind, his golf cart stopping a mere inch from where I stand outside the clubhouse.

As usual, Tanner is ridiculously loud. In fact, we could hear his voice carrying on the course from two fairways behind during most of the tournament.

“How’d it go out there, Wolf? You gonna go back to your wolf den howling like a little baby because I crushed your ass?” He grabs the scorecard that dangles from my hand and scoffs before handing it back. “Cheaters.”

I roll my eyes and Melanie giggles from next to me. Yeah, I get the appeal that Rossy has on women. His character is larger than life and his charm promises a good time.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ali now fist-bumping with Nicolas.

What is it she sees in me? What is it that I can promise her?

We’ve made no declarations except that we want to keep seeing each other on the down-low. In fact, if it weren’t for our agreement and that this is her job, I’d cart her off somewhere private right now and show her much she means to me.

Much like Nicolas, Ali holds a special quality that spreads like wildfire. She burns with an intensity and passion for life that was doused inside me years ago.

If she’s wildfire, then I’m the dark and angry thundercloud that will only end up dampening her spark.

Fuck. This is why I can’t do relationships.

I’m once again pulled out of my sullen thoughts when Rossy says something about Ali. My head whips back to him.

“Looks like Ali has a new man in her life.”

His statement throws me off-balance, and I grab hold of his golf cart to steady myself on my feet. Rossy lifts his head, eyes narrowed. “You okay, bro?”

I stare at him, wide-eyed, my gaze searching his face. Did he figure it out? Is he mad at me for my feelings I have for Ali?

“Uh, ja… I’m fine,” I stammer, blinking several times. I am expecting his fist to snap out and punch me in the jaw for sleeping with his sister. “What new man?”

Rossy chuckles and points over to where Ali is tangled up in an embrace with Nicolas.

Aha. That new man.

Crisis averted. For now.

Maybe I should just tell Tanner right now and let the chips fall where they may.

But then I stare over at Ali, her smile a beacon of joy and warmth, and the realization hits me hard. If I don’t figure out what I want from her soon and what I’m willing to give her in return, I might lose her in the process.