Page 160 of You Fall First

Let’s be honest. I love this place.

But Mayville probably has great schools with plenty of spirit. And I’m sure they need social workers, too. Maybe my change in career paths and my multiple degrees were all a part of preparing me for a future that branches out and away.

My insides twinge, a reminder that I did something like this once before. I got a job and an apartment for a man who didn’t want me. But this time is different. This time, I think Noah wants me, too. No, I know he does.

I feel the bond between us in my bones.

This connection isn’t from my one-sided, unrequited gestures. Our strength comes from what Noah gives back to me, the commitment he shows, the choices he makes. I’m not afraid of scaring him off by moving too fast, too soon.

But I won’t let him carry the weight of any more guilt than he already does. If he truly believes I’d be sacrificing too much by leaving, if he’d take that on as his own burden, then maybe offering to follow him could be a mistake.

I need to talk to Maren.

Again.

She answers on the first ring, almost like she knew I wasn’t done with her. I mean, we did spend the past hour on the phone, me crying, her talking me through my options, my parents hovering around upstairs, acting like they weren’t eavesdropping when they absolutely were.

“Hello, again.” Maren’s brow arches.

I offer her a weak little wave. “Hi. It’s me.”

“Yeah. I noticed.” She bobs her head. “So go on.”

“Go on and what?”

“Go on and pour out your deepest fears to me one more time so I can dispel them. One more time.”

“Okay.” I glance up at the sky, noting the puffy clouds floating overhead. They have the same clouds in Mayville. Same sun. Same moon. Same stars.

“I’m going,” I say.

“Great.”

“Except.” My shoulders slump, and I drop my gaze to the ducks again. “What if I hand my whole heart over to Noah, and offer to move to Mayville with him, and he says no? I’m not sure my soul can survive that kind of heartbreak. Not this time. Not with him.”

“Uh-huh.” Maren nods. “Yep. That would be completely terrible. For sure. But from everything you’ve told me over the past however many days, the guy is totally into you. Were you lying?”

“Of course not.”

“In that case, he’ll love you moving to Mayville. I’ll bet he’ll be even more into you. Not that you should ever make a choice like this based on pleasing a man. This is about pleasing you.”

“Yes.”

“Did I ask a question?”

“No.”

“Okay, then.” She nods. “So what else?”

“What if he’s excited for me to go with him, but things fall apart later, once we’ve spent more time together?”

“That would also be totally terrible. So it’s a really great thing that we have these laws in our country where a person isn’t stuck living in any one particular town, and you're legally allowed to move, a freedom backed up by any court in the land.”

“Is that an actual law?”

"Pretty sure it’s in the Constitution. But I’m not the one with a master’s degree.”

“Exactly." I groan. “My poor parents paid for me to get my degree in education and then my MSW, and now I’m going to walk away from the job all that schooling prepared me for.”