Page 8 of The Starlight Savior

Judith didn’t scold or yell. There was no scowl or shake of her head. Instead, she grabbed hold of Saige’s hand and squeezed. One of Judith’s many virtues was her patience, making it possible to sit with Saige and her potent emotions, regardless of age.

“Lizabeth said she couldn’t employ me anymore because of my…unknown bloodline. That it was dangerous. And they’re moving to Yethor for more protection. More food.”

Judith’s only reaction was another squeeze to Saige’s hand. “Ah,” she breathed. “I see your predicament.”

Saige snorted. “It’s more than a predicament. I’m fucked.”

“Language,” Judith reminded her, but her voice was drained of the usual spark. “You know what you need to do then.”

“I can’t—”

Judith shook her hands free from Saige’s grasp and held up a palm. “You can and you will. There won’t be any reliable work for an unwed woman. Unless you join the clergy or infantry, which you and I both know you would never do.”

Saige’s mind raked over another option. Marriage was a path she had avoided since she was fourteen, when the girls began to whisper about who they’d prefer to couple with.

Of course there were mere moments of longing. But she had no plans to wed. There were certain things about marriage she wouldn’t allow for herself. Whether she was shipped off to a stranger or the love of her life, it required connection. Intimacy. Feelings. How could she let herself fall down that path when it led to destruction? The guilt of risking Judith’s life was often too much. She knew the weight of a husband and her children’s safety would crush her.

Yet was there another path? She had no job. No purpose. Where did that leave her now?

All she knew was that she would not put anyone else in danger, even if it meant sacrificing her own wellbeing.

“Maybe the capital,” Saige said halfheartedly. “Althea plans to move there after she’s done with the infirmary.” Despite Yethor being risky, it was the best idea she could muster. Maybe there could be more opportunities for her there. More places to hide.

“She is a healer, Saige. She is needed.”

Since they were young, Althea had a passion for helping the wounded. She’d spend hours researching herbs and forging tinctures before she earned coin. Saige admired it, yet a piece of her envied Althea’s natural ability to fall into her purpose.

That same envy boiled deep inside her, threatening to consume. “And I’m not unless I’m married?”

Judith let out an exhausted sigh. “You know that is not what I mean.”

“You don’t think I’d be capable of taking care of myself without the help of a man? Or children?” Saige could feel all her vexation, once swallowed by fear, simmering to the surface.

“Of course you’re more than capable. You’re an excellent baker. A detailed seamstress. I’ve never heard you complain once from pulling weeds in the garden. I know that whatever you set your mind to, you’ll be able to get it done. It’s in your blood to not only be stubborn, but precise. But if they are buckling down on documentation, I don’t know if those things could keep you afloat. Not without a name or a family behind you.”

“I have you. You’re my family.”

“But I cannot claim you. Not honestly. Since you arrived at my doorstep, I couldn’t turn you away to perish. I prayed to Terrus that evening, and I knew you needed to remain with me. But there is no proof of there being Saige Damar in Brevil. Only Saige Neres—” Judith paused, not being able to admit her true name.

“I will make it work. I always do,” Saige pleaded

If Judith didn’t believe in her, how could she believe in herself? She was cornered with no other options presented to her but forward.

The path that laid ahead of her though was not one she wanted to take.

Judith sighed. “And say you move to Yethor, start fresh, and find work there. What will happen during your next episode?”

Saige’s jaw clenched, hands going slack at her side. It was not as if she’d never thought of her inability to control. She pushed it to the side so often that she hoped it would one day simply go away. That was always foolish. The older she got, the more frequent she’d come apart at the seams, light streaming through the cracks of her carefully placed mask.

“I will figure it out. Maybe I can…train myself.”

“I have worked too hard keeping you safe for you to throw it all away simply because you refuse to marry. To get close. You refuse to make Denholm your home!”

“I do not have a home,” Saige said without hesitation. A flash of hurt crossed Judith’s face. “My home was stripped from me the day my parents fell. I appreciate all you have given me, but I belong to no home and no one.”

“Then at least bed up with the soldier boy,” Judith snapped, shaking her head. “Find some protection in this world if you won’t take the easy route.”

Saige snorted. “Marriage is the easy route? And what if he sees one of my episodes? Hm? What if we have children and they start glowing too?”