Page 42 of The Starlight Savior

“What do you feel?”

“Everything!” she screamed, another fist slamming to the floor.

“What do you want?” Tobin asked, his tone going from awe to determination. “You want control? You want to learn? You must feel it all.”

“I never wanted this!” she admitted. Her cheeks were wet as tears dripped onto the floor, snot pooling under her nose. She reached up to wipe it before another wave of feelings came forth.

“Well you have it. So feel it. Control it.”

In all the years of letting this curse build, letting the light release, she had never felt so much. Physically and emotionally. Her skin felt like someone was pushing burning coals against her, branding her like cattle. Her chest ached with all the memories of her father, her mother, Judith, Althea. The life she could have had. Of a lover holding onto her waist as they swayed in a tavern, lips pressed against her neck with affection. Children running around in a dusty, but loved, house. Everything she could’ve had, stripped away from her.

The tension in her body released as she let out a final scream, head raised to the ceiling as the deities looked down at her. Out of the corner of her eye, a figure moved across the room. Tobin grunted, but the world was too bright around her to notice where he had gone. Palms opened wide, she bowed and found the light returning back to normal.

Finally, she looked up. Tobin lay across the room, below the first stained glass window, Sydera looking down at him. His eyes were wide, but he was not afraid. A smile spread across his face. A maester and his student, his first look at what he was working with.

“That was incredible,” he said.

Saige opened her mouth to respond, but found she couldn’t speak. The room swayed around her, in and out of focus. Her head hit the marble below, rattling all her thoughts into the abyss.

Chapter 19

The mug of tea warmed Saige’s hands as Tobin sat beside her, their bodies swallowed by leather armchairs. The moment she awoke, Tobin led her away from the training hall and towards the western wing of the castle where the library, meeting rooms, magic and combat training spaces, and apothecaries were spread throughout. The library was indented into the ground, high walls lined with endless shelves, with a ceiling of glass revealing the sky above. A crackling fireplace roared to life at the flick of Tobin’s finger.

“I’m sorry.” Saige again wiped at the dried tears on her cheek.

Tobin waved his bony hand. “Stop apologizing. Magic ruptures happen all the time during training. What were you thinking about anyways?”

“A rupture?” Saige’s brows dipped.

“Ignition, rupture, explosion. Whatever works best. I see it as a rupture of the soul, an explosion of emotions and memories that are almost uncontrollable. A burnout of magic needing to be placed somewhere other than the mind.”

She thought back to the way Tobin spoke of magic and all the people he had trained. “I thought of my father.”

“Ah.” Tobin nodded. “You were close with your father.”

“I suppose so.”

“And your mother?”

Saige nodded. “We were all very close…” Her words died on her lips.

“But?”

“But they didn’t warn me. Instead of training me, I was raised in a kingdom that hated magic. He could’ve helped me through this.” The flames blurred before her. “He must’ve known, right? How painful all of this would end up being?”

Tobin nodded along to her words. “I’m sure your father did know. Every wielder is taught to expel their magic in some way to avoid the rupture. If your father knew of your magic, he most likely knew what would become of it untrained.”

Saige appreciated the honesty in Tobin’s words. She was so accustomed to the way people tiptoed over her questions. The raw thoughts that made others uncomfortable. “If he would’ve trusted me with where he came from, how he truly met my mother, maybe they would still be here. Maybe I could have lived a normal life.”

“Maybe.” Tobin shrugged.

“Do most kin also have magic? Even if their mother does not?”

“Usually.”

“So he must’ve known.” Saige set down the mug. Her hands had begun to tingle again, but with the amount of magic she had released, she didn’t expect anything to happen.

“I’m wondering what prevents you from letting all of this go.”