Page 80 of A Fierce Archer

“May I sit?” he asked, nearing hesitantly.

Catriona motioned to a chair. “Of course.”

He reached for her hand, but then pulled back. “I am sorry. So very sorry for what I caused.”

“Ye did not cause it, Ewan. It was inevitable. We both know what I’ve been through. Yer attentions caught me off guard and brought it on, but that is not yer fault.”

“It is,” he insisted. “For the way in which I’ve been treating ye. So distant. To suddenly thrust myself upon ye had to be...jarring.”

Past the window, a flock of birds flew by, their wings in symphony, communicating with steady chirps. The day had become cloudy. Catriona wasn’t sure if it was afternoon or evening. When one stayed in one place too long, it became harder to tell the passing of time.

“Do ye wish me to go with Esme? To live there? That way, ye do not have to work so hard to avoid me.”

Silence was followed by the sounds of footsteps in the hallway. Servants hurried past as they went to start preparations for whatever mealtime it was.

“That is precisely what I wish to speak to ye about.” There was sadness in his gaze. “I have been a bloody fool.”

A question was on the tip of her tongue, but Catriona refrained and, instead, waited for him to continue.

“I have kept my distance because of fear and because of my foolish actions. I have caused ye and our marriage so much harm.” This time, he did take her hand in his. “Do not leave me.”

Catriona closed her eyes, hating the loss of the bond they’d once shared. “If I remain, I wish to move into another bedchamber. I do not wish to leave ye. I have duties, responsibilities here.”

“Will ye stay in our bedchamber for a few days. Give me an opportunity to gain yer trust again?”

She’d been missing their comradery, the way she felt secure and comforted when he was with her. Was it still there?

Catriona stood. “Hug me.” The words sounded hollow because, in truth, she didn’t expect to feel anything. “I wish to see what I feel when ye do.”

Her husband was hesitant, and she almost told him to forget it, but then he spoke. “I haven’t bathed. Ye may be repelled.”

Opening her arms, she waited for him to close the distance between them. Ewan came then, pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against him.

At once, the sensation of safety enveloped her. She clung to him and put her ear to his chest, listening to the steady beats of his heart. Everything seemed right in that moment. It was as if nothing could harm her, nothing could penetrate the invisible safety.

“I love ye, Catriona.”

The hoarse words echoed against the ear she had to his chest. Catriona held her breath, unable to fathom that what he spoke was real or sincere for that matter.

“What?”

He pressed a kiss to her temple. “I love ye and I have been foolish in my attempts to keep it locked inside. I fear the pain of being rejected, of what happened in the past. But I have to be a man about it. I have to admit the truth and let what happens from now on come as it may.”

It was not the most romantic declaration of love. That he declared his fear along with it, though, made it sincere and heartfelt.

“Ye should not fear,” Catriona said. “I would never, ever betray ye.”

“And I have done nothing but hurt ye,” Ewan said, once again kissing her head. “I have failed as a husband.”

She pushed again because, in truth, it was becoming hard to breathe and avoid the smell of his unwashed body. “We have only been married a short time. There is plenty of time to repair things between us.”

“What about the other night? What if I cause it to happen again?” Ewan let out a breath and a distraught expression crossed his face. “Esme won’t be close enough to help.”

There was no way to tell how or when the next episode would happen. Catriona would not fool herself into thinking it would not reoccur. It was a part of her now, a burden she would have to live with.

“We will have to deal with it on our own. I will have a long talk with Maisie and tell her everything. It is possible she can help. After all, she’s been through some horrible things herself. The death of her family during an enemy attack on her village several years ago when the Mcleods and the Ross Clan were at war.”

Ewan studied her face for a long moment. “It’s best I go wash up. Last meal will be served shortly. Will ye accompany me?”