Page 52 of Westbound Awakening

"I have to." Mae remained stubbornly adamant about returning to Virginia. Even after talking to Miss Lady and the woman refusing to return with her. Mae was sure she'd end up convincing her.

"What about Wesley? Surely you won't leave the child. He sees you as his mother." Patty pressed on.

"I am not his mother. The sooner I leave, the easier for him to accept whoever John marries. He told me he planned to go to town. I'm sure it's to hire Wesley's caregiver. The woman will be living with them, things will happen. I can't stand to be around to see it. Understand me Patty."

Patty slapped her hand on the tabletop and Mae jumped. "He is not marrying anyone. The man is in love with you. If only the both of you would stop being so stubborn, you'd realize you're made for each other."

"Bah!" Mae stood and went to rinse her cup. "Would you like to go for a walk?" She looked towards the living room. "Where is Ryan?"

"He's in the barn, speaking to Alan about an unruly horse we bought. Alan is the best man to get information about breaking a horse."

"Come," Patty slipped her arm through Mae's. "Lets take advantage of this spare time. Miss Lady and Wesley are asleep."

The afternoon was brisk, a bird flew overhead and Mae watched it land in a nest and begin to feed the chicks in its nest. "It's a beautiful day. I am going to miss this. The space, the land..."

"Then don't leave," Patty finished for her. "Give it time Mae. I suggest you speak to John and ask him what his plans are, what he feels." Patty's eyes went past her. "Ah there he is now."

Mae's stomach pitched when spotting John nearing. In a worn blue shirt tucked into his pants, his wide shoulders and slim hips were emphasized. The picture of them in his bed assailed her, and Mae felt herself redden. She began to babble, her nerves taking control. "I wasn't aware he was here. I'm sure he's here to see Wesley. I shouldn't be alone with him. I can't resist his touch. I'm not strong enough."

"Well, you should remain strong against it," Patty replied lightly. "I understand the need of being with a man, but in this case, I believe it would be beneficial to wait."

"Wait?" Mae frowned. "I am never going to be with him again Patty. It's not right I understand it believe me. Plus it will only make it harder for me when I leave."

"Um hmm," Patty replied before turning to John. "Good afternoon John. I was just about to go see where Ryan's gotten off to. I'll see you both in a little while."

John's gray eyes met Patty's briefly before going to Mae. "How are you Miss Patty?"

The woman smiled at him. "I'm well." She walked away, and neither of them spoke. Mae braced herself for whatever John was about to tell her. No doubt he'd hired someone to care for Wesley and came to inform her he came to take Wesley with him. When she felt strong enough, she met his gaze.

"Why do you seem afraid of me?" John's brows drew together. "Are you angry with me?"

"N-No, of course not," Mae stuttered. "Wesley is napping now, but he should awaken shortly. Would you like to come in for coffee?"

"I came to see you." The words vibrated through her and she took a breath. "I haven't seen you in days. The last time I came to see Wesley, only Elma was about. Then it was she and Alan who brought him to see me." He reached for her and then let his hand fall. "It seems you are avoiding me."

Mae inhaled and tore her eyes away from his darkened ones. "I find it best to keep a distance between us. You have to admit, it will make it easier once I leave."

"Easier?" He asked. "For you or for me?"

"Both of course," Mae told him and took a step back. "It's not right John. But it's hard for me to resist reaching for you when near you. My feelings are too strong, I desire you, want to touch you and be touched by you."

His breathing hitched at her words. "I feel the same way. It's what I came to talk to you about."

The rising and lowering of his chest mesmerized her and Mae could only wait breath held. Did he come to ask her to be his lover?

"I am in love with you Mae. Marry me."

Her heart stopped at the words. But what shook her was the earnest expression on his face. He waited for her to respond with ill concealed trepidation, his body tight and leaning just a bit forward.

"I can't." Mae refused to meet his eyes; instead she focused past his left shoulder to where cattle grazed. "I believe you love me. But I also know you cannot get beyond my past. It will always be hard for you."

"I've come to grips with it Mae and..."

"No you have not," Mae interrupted him. "What will happen when the first man comes along who knows about me, and everyone in town becomes aware of my past? What will you do then? Will you be able to walk beside me with you head held high?"

"The loss of my leg is what made me falter more than anything Mae. The fact is I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. I am sure you warrant a full, able-bodied man to be your husband. But the idea of anyone with you makes my blood boil. It made me realize I needed to take a chance."

Mae could only stare at him agog.