Page 17 of Westbound Awakening

"Ron tells me you two had a spat last night." Patty said, keeping her eyes on the potato she peeled. "It's only natural. I mean this journey is a hard one for someone just newly wed. You shouldn’t stay angry with him Mae."

"There is just so much…" Mae wasn't sure what to say to the woman who'd become her friend. "It's just -- I always considered John so stern and above reproach, yet the more I get to know him, the more I find he is…well sometimes he just makes me so mad." She finished not quite making sense.

"John does seem to be a hard man, yet he's gentle and caring with you. What did you fight about Mae?"

"A secret he kept from me. It's his right of course to keep things to himself, but I feel betrayed and hurt by it." Mae felt silly and mortified when a tear slipped down her cheek. What was wrong with her? "I am so confused right now."

She and Patty looked to the men, who'd stopped speaking and were now looking over at them with interest. "Come on Mae, let's go for a walk." Patty slipped her arm through Mae's and she guided her a ways until they came upon a fallen tree away from the campfire. Once they sat, Mae let out a breath. Patty was so easy to talk to, caring and gentle.

"Now tell me what's wrong. The truth." Patty looked her in the eyes. "I know there is more to what's going on between you two than you're sharing, and it's fine Mae. It's your business. Just remember sometimes you have to trust God. He does things, brings people into your life for a reason."

"We are not married," Mae blurted and gasped at her words. Surprise did not register in Patty's expression.

"But you love him."

The statement so simply put, shocked Mae into the acknowledgement she'd loved John more than life itself for a long time, perhaps since the day they met. "Yes, I love him."

"And he loves you as well."

"Oh no, I don't think so," Mae protested. "He is just accompanying me to my father's ranch and then going on to..." She decided John's secret was his own, and it was better not to share. "Leave me." She finished with a shrug.

"I see the way he looks at you Mae," Patty covered Mae's hands with hers. "His face lightens when you appear, and he tracks your every movement. Hangs on every word you speak even when he's not looking at you directly."

"He's just attentive." Mae replied closing her eyes suddenly feeling drained. "I am just a burden to him."

"Why would you say that?"

Mae took a breath. She may as well lay it all out in plain sight; it was time to be honest. She'd never been anything but, and now she knew it was not in her nature to be otherwise.

"I met John one day about five years ago when I was returning from town. It was a beautiful day, and I decided to walk home. He came upon me. In his cavalry uniform on the big horse of his, he was every woman's dream. So handsome even with the ever-present stern expression of his, he stole my breath away. For the first time in my life, I was beyond words and in awe of a man. I hurried away from him because I didn't want him to know who I was and where I lived. I cringed when he dismounted and followed after me. When he caught my elbow and turned me to face him, I almost swooned. It's ridiculous of course, that he had an everlasting affect on me. Just to realize up close he was even better looking if that was possible was inconceivable to me. He smiled and introduced himself, touching my hand and giving a slight bow." Mae grinned at the memory. "I told him my name, and being he was not from town, it didn't mean anything to him. When he offered to walk me home, I tried to resist, telling him I preferred to walk home alone. However, he insisted. Along the way, we talked about our likes and dislikes, and about his work and what I'd purchased in town. We found out both our favorite color was blue and we both dislike cabbage. I memorized every word we spoke because I knew once he realized who I was, where I lived, he'd never treat me the same again." Mae braced herself keeping her eyes forward knowing once she divulged the truth the Jacobs would make an excuse and leave. She was not going to hide the truth.

"What do you mean by that Mae?" Patricia asked.

Mae looked away from her and continued. "The large white farmhouse where I lived came into view, and John attempted to steer me away, past it. I stopped at the gate and was not surprised to see the realization dawning in his eyes. "I live here," I told him and could see him physically recoil. John barely nodded when I thanked him for walking me home. Instead of answering me, he shoved my parcel into my hands and looked at the house for a long while. Then he simply said goodbye."

Patty did not speak right away, her features neutral. She'd obviously figured out what Mae inferred because she didn't ask. Mae decided it was best to tell her just to make sure. "You see I lived in a brothel. My mother was a madam at the time. I still live there. After mother died, I took over the business. I am one of those shunned by society Patty. The only reason John agreed to accompany me on this trip is because the woman who raised me after my mother died pretty much forced his hand. He gave her his word."

She went to stand, and Patricia pulled her back. "I stand by what I said earlier. John McClain loves you Mae."

Mae was shocked at the gentleness in her friend's eyes and the lack of judgment or feeling any sense of Patty pulling away. She almost collapsed with gratefulness. "A man like John would never have me, Patty. I've accepted it a long time ago. He is bound by his upbringing, being from a well to do established family."

Her friend's arms went around her, and she relaxed into the woman's embrace. "We'll see about that," Patty huffed. "We'll just see about that," she repeated and soothed her rubbing her back.

And then Patricia asked her a question no one had thought to ask before. The question caught Mae by surprise. "Have you ever been a prostitute?"

And she answered honestly. "No, my mother made me promise I'd never sell my body, and Miss Lady has watched over me like a hawk to ensure I was never in a situation where it would come to be."

"Exactly what I thought." The woman gave her a wide smile. "It’s obvious in the way you carry yourself around John and my husband although you put up a strong front."

"Will you tell your husband?"

"Don't worry Mae," Patty assured her. "I won't say a word about what we spoke of. Not even to Ryan."

Mae smiled at her new friend. "There shouldn't be any secrets between a married couple. You can tell him. Please, just not until after we arrive in Texas."

"I won't. And Mae it will be all right. I promise you this will work out." Patty crinkled her brow. "How is sleeping in the wagon working out?"

"We manage." Mae grumbled. "Back to back, as much space as possible between us."