Page 51 of A Foolish Flirtation

Emmie had never cared much for the Greek gods, or did she mean Roman? She always got them mixed up. Darling Pinky had never thought their shenanigans suitable for the schoolroom. They were always doing such cruel and extraordinary things, even the ones who were supposedly beneficent.

Rolling onto her side, Emmie tried to make out the layout of the room in the early morning light, but the truth was, she had not had a good enough look at it the night before to map it out. No, instead of appreciating her luxurious new quarters, Emmie had taken a bath, then crept under the covers and extinguished the light. She had been tired and dispirited, and this morning she still felt the same way.

It was no good, she had to face facts. She was in the bedroom of Viscountess Faris, lying in her bed, and the truth of it was, she felt like an imposter. What on earth was she doing here? she asked herself despairingly. She must have been mad to accept Jeremy’s proposal! How in the world was she supposed to conduct herself now she was his wife?

This great big house with its army of servants bewildered her. It was true, she had lived in a fancy London townhouse before, though that seemed a lifetime ago and hardly compared with an estate like this. She would not even have Pinky beside her to help navigate the pitfalls, she reflected glumly, for Jeremy seemed determined to deprive her even of that familiar comfort.

She hoped Hannah was alright. She did not know precisely where her friend was at this moment. That housekeeper had borne her off last night. Colfax had carried Teddy off to his nursery, and as for her husband, well, he had disappeared, too, after informing her he had his own rooms to retire to and kissing her hand.

Emmie supposed that was the sort of world she lived in now. She sighed. Why on earth had he not married someone who would take all this in her stride? Then she remembered. He had tried that, and it had not worked out. No doubt that had put him off titled brides. Rolling onto her back, she strove to remember just what it was he had wanted from her.

A respectable marriage had featured heavily in his requirements, in order to expunge the scandal of his divorce. Well, tucked away here in the country, so far from London, it was unlikely that she would commit any solecisms bad enough to reach the ears of high society.

Emmie had never been one to make tongues wag anyway. Except for that one unfortunate period of her life, she thought, her face reddening in the dark. How ironic that should be the only time she had previously spent in Jeremy Vance’s company!

Hastily abandoning this unprofitable line of thought, she returned to the original. Now, what else had he asked of her? Slowly it came back to her. To be the sort of wife who would foster good relations with his neighbors and the local community, that was what he had said. He wanted the sort of wife who would sit on charitable committees. Emmie’s heart quailed slightly at the prospect but after all, how hard could it be? Doubtless this was the biggest house hereabouts and most organizations would welcome its mistress with open arms.

What else? To be a good stepmother, that went without saying. At least, she hoped she could uphold that part of the bargain without too many problems. It was true, she had precious little experience of maternal relations herself, with her own mother having died so long ago, but she hoped she would find her way with an open heart. She was already fond of the child, and Teddy seemed to welcome a new stepmother in his life.

After all, if the boy was to be believed, it was he who had put her forward as a likely candidate for the role. She flushed again, thinking of Lily Skellern regaling her stepson with embarrassing tales of her debut. For a moment, she almost took pleasure in remembering Lily’s mortified face at the wedding. Almost. Then she thrust the woman resolutely from her mind.

It showed a kind nature that Teddy had wanted his father to make reparation to her, even if the notion had been somewhat misguided. His apple truly seemed to have fallen far from the proverbial tree. His parents, when young, had been selfish and hedonistic with seemingly little regard for others. At least, that was how they had appeared to her at the time. Teddy, she thought warmly, was cut from a different sort of cloth.

A normal parent would not have indulged his son in the matter of his remarriage, of course. Who ever heard of a father allowing his child to pick out his wife? But then, Jeremy Vance was not conventional, nor never had been. He did as he pleased, and to hell with the consequences!

Then again, maybe she did him an injustice and the passage of time had altered him somewhat. Perhaps he truly believed he had had wrongs to right. She stirred uneasily; in some ways he did seem to have mellowed. On their journey here, he had been politeness itself and most assiduous in his dealings with Pinky. She could not imagine the Jeremy Vance of old being so kind.

Perhaps, now matured and wiser, he did feel some pangs of guilt about his former conduct. That might have been what swayed him into accepting Teddy’s demands. Feeling suddenly rather cold, she hitched up her bedsheets and took a deep, steadying breath. Would she feel better this morning if she had spent last night in her new husband’s arms?

Color crept into her cheeks as her mind wandered back to their wedding night. His presence in her bed had been far from familiar or comforting and yet, if she was honest, it had not been as jarring as she might have expected either. Recalling now her own behavior she felt a slight pang but at the time it had not felt awkward. Or at least not as awkward as it might have been.

In truth, Jeremy had seemed to revel in her embrace, and he had not tried to hide that fact from her. He was usually so easy and offhand in his manner that to see him so focused on her and so driven…it had been quite the revelation. It had been a heady feeling indeed to know that she could affect him so, but perhaps she had given herself too much credit. She had a vague idea that men were not so discerning as women when it came to such matters.

Still… He could not have faked such a strong response to her, surely? He had been so extraordinarily passionate, but it was not just that, she thought slowly. He had seemed, well, thrilled to finally be with her like that. And in the aftermath, he had seemed so happy and relaxed that it had quite disconcerted her. She had not expected the easy affection and the avowal that he had missed her all this time. Now that part had been jarring to her. To claim such a thing… It could not possibly be true. Could it?

She breathed out and tried to consider the matter impartially. To be fair, he always made it plain that he took pleasure in her company. Even in the old days, he had sought her out in plain view of everyone. Still, back then, they had all thought he was singling her out to make an object of fun out of her. Even she had thought so. She had just been too dazzled to resent it too much.

Now, suddenly she was not so sure. Could it be that all along Jeremy Vance had wanted her fiercely? She found herself breathing hard. Her instinct was to recoil from such an astonishing notion, to upbraid herself for an idiot. Even as a green girl of eighteen she had not been stupid enough to believe her personal attractions were equal to even half of her fellow debutantes.

But if so… If so, then why had he made such a target of her? He had been bored, she acknowledged. He had been ripe for mischief. And yet…why her? Suddenly, she recalled Lord Atherton’s astonishing words on her wedding day. What was it he had said? Something about her embodying Jeremy’s every physical ideal.

She still could not quite grasp that as a concept. It seemed so very unlikely. And yet, when she had asked him if the Venuses of his collection were very fleshy, what was it he had said? That is the way I like them. Emmie bit her lip. If he had spoken the truth, then that meant the reason he had singled her out all those years ago was simply because he had been attracted to her.

Again, she thought of Lord Atherton’s words to her on the dance floor. He was attracted to you, like a moth to the flame, and I believe you were in much the same condition. Well, in any case, things have worked out for the best, much the same as if the natural conclusion had been drawn all those years ago.

The natural conclusion. For some reason the phrase resonated with her and made her think of their wedding night once again. Something nagged at her, as though she had overlooked some vital clue to her new husband’s nature. Once more she recalled his almost ecstatic relief at the consummation of their union.

It had not been mere pretense. Jeremy had reacted as though they had finally reached the culmination of something they had set in motion long ago. A conclusion both desirable and long awaited, something he had devoutly wished for. Remembering his fervent, intense reaction to her, she felt a dawning realization. Lord Atherton had spoken nothing but the truth. Jeremy Vance was extremely attracted to her, and probably always had been.

Slowly, Emmie sat up and hugged her knees. He had wanted her then, and he wanted her now. The realization left her almost dizzy. If that were true, then she need not feel so hopelessly inadequate in her new position. Her wretched situation had simply enabled Jeremy to get something he had wanted all along, nothing more, nothing less. The idea was an oddly liberating one.

Oh, no doubt Teddy’s feelings had played a part in his decision, along with the necessity for a respectable wife who would smooth things over for him. But after all, if she possessed something at least that he wanted, something that she already possessed, then hopefully he would grant her some grace in the other areas where she did not match up to his ideal.

And Emmie could surely throw herself wholeheartedly into these new roles of wife and mother. It was the least she could do after he had rescued her from penury and disgrace. If she showed willing, surely Jeremy would show patience with her numerous shortcomings. The notion cheered her immensely. He had certainly been courteous toward her in their recent dealings. Perhaps he would continue to do so.

She felt her spirits perk up hopefully before a cold little voice whispered in her ear. If he finds you so irresistible, then why has he not slept with you once since your wedding night? That brought her up short. Emmie gave her head a little shake. She needed to have more confidence in herself. Letting her share a room with Pinky on the road had doubtless been due to courtesy. Last night was harder to explain away but after all, could that not also be due to consideration?

A knock on the door startled her. She lurched upright and fixed her eyes on it. A familiar golden head peered around the door.