Page 141 of The Favourite

“Why?” Jane repeated. “Why me?”

“Why what? Why I love you?” She nodded. He was quiet a moment. “I was so bored before you came along, Jane,” he admitted. “Bored and, I think now, perhaps a little lonely. And then you became my only and secret delight. I became consumed with you, and then I genuinely fell in love with you, and then you became mine.”

Jane gave a murmur of disagreement. “Is that—? I mean, you never seemed—”

He huffed out a breath. “I was in love with you, Jane,” he said firmly, snaring her gaze and letting her see he was serious. “I was madly in love with you all along.”

“I—you—” Jane flailed about hopelessly and he watched her, a tender smile playing about his lips.

“What’s more, it was me planted the idea of our marriage in Armenal’s head in the first place.” Seeing she still doubted this, he insisted, “It’s true. You know what a tricky bastard I can be.”

“Are you in earnest?”

He nodded. “You may be sure; I was very careful to make her think the idea was her own.”

“Even then?” she asked incredulously. “You wanted … me?” He nodded and opened his mouth to set about convincing her. “I love you too,” Jane interrupted hoarsely.

He caught his breath, then breathed noisily out, then in. “You do?” He stared at her.

“Yes.” Jane could feel the unbecoming color stealing into her face and started to tense. Then remembered how much he liked her blotchy. She leaned forward and planted a kiss firmly to his lips. When she would have drawn back, he drew her in closer.

“When did you know?” he asked, his voice husky.

“When did I know I loved you?”

“Yes, I want to know. I am very vain, you know. And self-indulgent. I just exaggerate those traits a little.”

Jane snorted. “I know. I counted your shoes, remember?”

“Ah, but since then I have ordered another five pairs.”

Jane smiled and shook her head. “To return to your question,” she said, ignoring his nonsense, “it is hard for me to be certain. I noticed of course that you kept coming to my rescue all the time, but I could not be certain it was intentional on your behalf. You were such a dissembler,” she said accusingly. “At that point, I barely felt I could take a single word that left your mouth at face value.”

He gave a twisted smile but said nothing, just continued gazing at her face. “Then once we were married,” Jane said slowly, “I began to … to notice things.”

“What things?” he asked quickly.

“Just … things,” Jane said, blushing.

“Like how wild I was for you,” he groaned. “I tried so hard, but gods, I could not hide it.”

Jane cleared her throat. “In fact, I was not alluding to that at all,” she admitted. “For all I knew then, you could have been like that with other women before me.”

“I never was,” he said swiftly.

She reached up to stroke his chest. “Yes, I know that now, but then I did not.”

“What did you notice, then?” he asked, frowning down at her. “My beauteous face? My magnificent arse? Wait, ‘twas my thighs, wasn’t it?”

“Nothing to do with your physical beauty, you vain creature!” she scolded. “I meant, that I noticed how kind you were to Robert, and … and how good you were with the children. When you weren’t pretending to be repulsed by them, of course.”

He smiled again. “Very observant, always Jane,” he murmured, caressing her lower back.

“To make sense of you, I started thinking of you in that nonsensical way,” she confessed, hiding her face against his chest.

“What way?” he asked, tipping her face up.

“You know, Alisander de Balon as opposed to Viscount Bardulf.”