Page 79 of The Ninth

Me: I shouldn’t have given your mother my visitation day. Selfish as fuck of me to say but you’re mine. I get to be selfish and I needed to be in your arms yesterday. I underestimated how much you making sure I visited this time every year meant to me. You mean so much to me.

K3: You do deserve to be selfish because you’re right. I’m no longer my mama’s boy. I’m your man. You deserved me pushing for and standing up for you. I’m so sorry, Cassie. That you didn’t come and that I’m not there.

Me: It’s not your fault...

K3: My actions got me in here so it is.

Me: I didn’t take care of myself like I promised...

He sat up straighter but didn’t say anything.

Me: I went to the Marina. MacKenzie knew some old head so we got on a boat. I didn’t act a fool...I just made a fool of myself. I forgot to eat the entire day and all I did was drink. Before I knew it, I was sloppy drunk, fighting niggas and in handcuffs.

K3: Cassandra. Fighting who? You need to call me, Cassandra. I don’t care what time of the day or day of the week it is.

Me: Some old head wiped the tears off my face with his dirty ass hand!

Although pissed, he chuckled.

K3: You hate that.

Me: I hate that, Papa. And you know it. I’m tired of niggas grabbing on me because I’m walking around with my girls. I can’t help how angry it makes me.

K3: He was like, forty-nine to fifty-two?

Me: Yeah.

K3: And you said his name was Jeffrey?

Me: No. He went by Donnie, but I think it was Dontrell.

K3: Awww. And you said he was like six foot and light skinned?

Me: No. He was dark skinned and like 5’11—KENZO!

K3: WHAT?!

Me: I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING!

K3: Okay, I’m sorry. My focus is on you. Niggas acting bogus because they think you belong to no one. That’s my fault for being jammed up. But I promise you, them mothafuckas will be in line as soon as I step out this bitch. On baby.

I nodded.

K3: But Cassandra. As much as I love going to sleep, smiling and rubbing my feet knowing you hate niggas to the core, I cannot have you out there fighting them. I don’t want you in any situation to where you get angry and defend yourself. Because if one of them niggas hurt you or pop you and I’m behind these bars? I would lose my fucking mind. Don’t do that to me. I’d kill every nigga in here if I lost you. I need you to stay out of them situations. I need you to have a sober mind to be able to make just decisions. I know you’re hurting, Crybaby. And I’m partially to blame. But don’t fold on me. Don’t drink and get yourself into shit when you’ve been strong all this time. You hear me?

I nodded again.

K3: Consider him and any other nigga gone. Promise me you will call me from now on as soon as shit goes left. Promise me you won’t be anywhere near these scenarios.

Me: I promise. And then...I fell out with Devyn.

K3: The orphan?!

Me: Kenzo!

I couldn’t help but crack up laughing. It didn’t help that his goofy ass was dead serious.

Me: She told me that my failures and imperfections are a direct reflection on how my parents raised me. That I’ve made a mockery of their death. And I’m nothing without the me--man I fuck. I put her in dangerous situations and self-destructing by drinking. And my family was right about me.