Page 91 of A Different Impression

William drew her into a slow, lingering kiss that awakened a desire she had not felt since the birth. When his lips moved to her throat, uncertainty checked it.

“I—I do not know whether I am ready to continue,” she admitted.

William immediately gentled his kisses. “I only wished to kiss you, dearest. I will never press you for anything you do not desire. Although I remain willing to relieve your discomfort tonight—or whenever else you require my assistance.”

They continued kissing until Elizabeth felt the unmistakable warmth of her milk soaking through her gown. She drew back, mortified, but William merely laughed.

“Come, my darling wife. Let us find our children so that you may feed them and relieve the pressure. Afterwards, we may both enjoy our dinner.”

Following that conversation, Elizabeth allowed the nursemaid and wet nurse to assume more of the children’s care. Under the guidance of Elizabeth, Mrs Reynolds, and Mrs Annesley, Georgiana and Kitty also accepted additional responsibilities around the estate.

Georgiana and Kitty completed the arrangements for Pemberley’s annual harvest celebration, which had been delayed following the twins’ birth. Scheduled for the third week of October, the event required them to prepare baskets for the tenants, arrange games for the children, and oversee preparations for the dance. Elizabeth remained involved, but she was grateful to entrust much of the work to her sisters—and equally grateful that William had persuaded her to accept the help she so plainly needed.

When the day arrived, the celebration proceeded remarkably well. Elizabeth could see a hundred ways in which it fell short of what she had originally envisioned, but Mrs Reynolds assured her that Pemberley had hosted no finer celebration in recent memory. William had maintained the tradition since inheriting the estate, although the festivities had naturally been more subdued without a mistress to oversee them.

Pemberley’s tenants appeared delighted to see their master so obviously happy with his wife. Their enthusiasm increased when the twins were brought outside briefly during the afternoon. Many of the women presented the twins with small gifts and handmade trinkets, each of which Elizabeth received with sincere gratitude. Their generosity reminded her how deeply the future of the Darcy family mattered to everyone who lived and earned a livelihood upon the estate.

During his annual speech, William thanked the tenants and servants for another exceptional year and spoke warmly of the future presently sleeping in the manor house. As Elizabeth stood beside him, listening to the cheers that followed, she felt more firmly rooted at Pemberley than ever before.

Once the harvest celebration had passed, Elizabeth turned her attention towards Christmas, when Pemberley would again welcome numerous visitors. The Bingleys and Fitzwilliams would join them, as would the Matlocks and Gardiners. Mary would accompany the Gardiners, leaving Mr Bennet at Longbourn and Mrs Bennet at the dower house, as neither had been invited to spend the holiday at Pemberley.

Elizabeth and Kitty had also begun discussing whether Lydia should join them. Neither had seen their youngest sister in more than a year, although they received frequent letters from her. Elizabeth had detected a marked improvement in both Lydia’s attitude and conduct, but a letter Kitty received in the middle of November provided the strongest evidence of that change.

15 November 1812

Kitty,

I believe I finally understand why I was sent to school. As you know, I have not made many friends here, which I have complained about often enough, but I have finally realised that this was due to my own attitude and behaviour. I was determined to “inflict my misery” upon everyone around me—or at least that is what a girl named Jessica told me. At first, I was offended, but as she explained all that was wrong with my conduct, I began to wonder whether she was correct.

This discussion followed an event that nearly shook me to my core and showed me how wrong my behaviour had been. Another girl, Mary, arrived at the school in July, and she felt as I did about all the ridiculous rules and constant reminders of “proper behaviour.” We mocked the other girls and—please do not be angry with me—even slipped away one afternoon to visit a militia encampment a few miles distant and flirt with the officers.

We were nearly caught, and I was frightened enough not to attempt it again. That did not stop Mary, however, and she was eventually discovered and punished. The headmistress notified her family, who intended to collect her but were delayed for some reason. Before they arrived, Mary escaped once more, intending to elope with a captain. She left me a note explaining her plans, and as soon as I found it, I told the headmistress because I believed that was what Lizzy and Jane would have advised me to do.

A hue and cry was raised, and Mary was found. The captain had never intended to marry her or take her to Gretna Green. When they were discovered, he said that he had meant only “to take what she was offering” and called us both light-skirts. I have never been so mortified.

They questioned him about how he knew me because he called me by name when he saw me, and I was forced to confess that I had slipped away once before. I was punished, and the headmistress wrote to Papa. She did not tell him to collect me because, as she said, I had “seen the error of my ways” and had not repeated the offence as Mary had.

Papa replied that they were stuck with me regardless and should punish me however they saw fit. He wrote much the same to me, telling me not to embarrass him any further and that, if I intended to misbehave, I ought at least to find someone willing to take me to Gretna Green so that he might be done with me. He said that, with Jane and Lizzy married so well, the actions of one silly girl would not injure the rest of the family and that Mama would be provided for by them regardless of what happened.

I have always known that Papa cared little for his daughters—and for me in particular—but his letter made that painfully clear. Kitty, would you please ask Elizabeth whether I might come to Pemberley for Christmas? Many girls remain here throughout the year, as I did last Christmas, but I should like to see my family again. I know that I have not always behaved as I ought, but I understand more now and am doing much better.

Mary was sent to live with someone she did not know. There was also concern about the possible consequences of her actions because she was found alone with the captain at an inn after three or four days. The headmistress spoke to me about those consequences—disease or a child—and, quite frankly, she terrified me.

Please ask Lizzy for me. I miss my sisters. I have written to each of them to apologise, and to Maria Lucas as well, for I set her a terrible example.

Your penitent sister,

Lydia

Kitty brought the letter to Elizabeth, whom she found in the nursery feeding Roseanna.

“Lizzy, have you received a letter from Lydia lately?”

Elizabeth nodded. “One arrived several days ago. She begged for an invitation to Pemberley for Christmas, although I must own that I had already considered inviting her. I should like her to meet her niece and nephew, and her letters have grown far more positive. In the most recent one, she actually apologised for her former behaviour. I only hope she is sincere.”

“I believe she is,” Kitty replied. “Read the letter she sent me.”

Elizabeth read it once and then again, her distress increasing with every line.