Page 21 of A Different Impression

“If you suggest the walk, I feel certain Mama would not object,” she replied in a whisper.

“How long has Bingley been here?” he asked next.

“Nearly a quarter of an hour,” she replied.

He nodded and then stood. “After spending so long in Mr Bennet’s study speaking of business, I think I would enjoy a walk. Bingley, ladies, would you care to take a turn in the gardens?”

Bingley and the two eldest Bennet daughters quickly agreed. As Elizabeth had not yet spoken to either of her sisters about meeting Mr Darcy the last three mornings, neither was aware of the connexion between the two. Mary elected to practise on the piano instead of accompanying the two couples, so they headed outside. They quickly divided into pairs, and Elizabeth and Darcy lagged behind the other two, allowing both couples the room to speak privately.

“I told your father of my intention to marry you,” he blurted out.

She stopped and looked at him. “You did what?” she asked incredulously.

He looked slightly sheepish. “We were speaking of his plans to increase Longbourn’s profits. I think he could increase the yield by a significant amount and increase the profits by at least fifty per cent in the next few years,” he began, and she just continued to look at him with that raised brow he had begun to adore. He took a deep breath before continuing. “Anyway, he thanked me for my help and asked what he could do for me in return. And… and, well, I blurted out that I would accept your hand in return. I realise it was not my best moment, and I probably should not have said it in that moment or in the way I did, but since this morning, I have barely been able to think of anything else.” He was slightly flushed as he said this, and Elizabeth could tell he had not intended to embarrass her.

She grimaced slightly. “What did he say?” she asked.

Elizabeth searched his face with an anxious expression, and he hated that his impulsive confession to her father had caused her even a moment’s distress.

“He told me I must court you for at least a month before he would agree to my marrying you,” he replied. “I did not tell him I had already requested a courtship from you and that you had agreed. I did not say anything about our meetings at Oakham Mount. However, he did warn me that I should not be alone with you and that I should conduct myself in a gentlemanly manner and follow the rules of propriety.” He pondered the discussion for a moment. “I do not think he likes me as a suitor in some ways. I believe he might be concerned about my wealth and my place in society, as well as how you might fit into it.”

Elizabeth nodded. “Papa does not think much of London and most members of society. Quite frankly, I am amazed that he has asked you for suggestions on increasing Longbourn’s profits since he has never been interested in doing so before.”

“I believe he is finally aware of how he has injured your family with his lackadaisical attitude towards the estate,” Darcy replied. “He said to me earlier that seeing how utterly foolish his wife and daughter have become has shocked him into action. He wants to increase the estate’s profits so he might ease your mother’s worries about the entail by investing the extra and ensuring he can afford a school for Miss Lydia and a governess for Miss Catherine. He seems to realise that his youngest two daughters, in particular, need guidance that their mother cannot provide.”

“He said as much to you?” she asked, seeing him nod in reply. “I am in shock. Jane and I have spoken to him for years about the need to do something about my youngest sisters, and he did nothing. Finally, he heard one of Lydia’s ridiculous statements and realised the potential for injury to the rest of us if she continued unchecked. I am grateful you arrived at just the right time to provide advice and assistance.”

Her confidence humbled him. Only a week ago, he had been forced to confront how badly his judgement had failed Georgiana; now Elizabeth spoke as though she trusted it completely.

He squeezed the hand that lay on his arm. “There was one other thing I said to your father that I think I need to tell you, too,” he stammered, feeling nervous. “I, um, when I was speaking with your father, when I told him that I wanted to marry you eventually, I, um, I told him how I feel about you. I, uh, just realised I have not told you yet, and, um, well, I wanted you to hear it from me.”

Darcy paused and took a deep breath. There would be no retrieving the words once spoken. Yet, for perhaps the first time in his life, that thought did not deter him.

“I do love you, Elizabeth,” he said in a rush. “I know it is early in our acquaintance, and I realise you may not feel the same about me right now.”

Pressure on his arm made him stop. “I do care for you very much, William, and while I am not yet ready to say I return your sentiments, I think that if we continue as we have, I will be in love with you before long. We, well, you said that we have at least a month of courtship before we can take any further steps, but will you settle for me telling you today that I care for you very much and, when I do feel I return your love, I will tell you immediately?”

He could not suppress the grin that followed her admission. It was not the declaration he secretly longed for, yet it was far more than he had dared hope to hear after only a few days.

She smiled and squeezed his arm, but her expression soon grew serious. “And, William, if you should change your mind—if you realise you have spoken too soon—tell me as soon as you do.”

“Why do you think I would change my mind?” he asked, looking down at her in concern.

She sighed deeply. “I have always known that Jane is much prettier than I, and my appearance is less than fashionable. I am impertinent and challenging and not at all what most men would prefer in a wife. I have always expected to be a favourite aunt for my sister’s children.”

The quiet resignation in her voice troubled him far more than the words themselves. How many years had she been allowed to believe so poorly of herself?

“Why would you think any of that?” he asked, incredulous at her perception of herself.

She shrugged. “I know Mama exaggerates my faults, but I grew up with most of the men in the neighbourhood, and they have no interest in me. I am too smart for most of them, or so they have told me, and everyone knows that Jane is the most beautiful girl in the county. When we have gone to London and attended balls and the like, she has always garnered far more attention than I.”

“The men you have encountered thus far have all been fools, although I should not complain too much since that has left you available for me,” he stated.

“Elizabeth, you are stunningly beautiful. To me, you are the most beautiful woman of my acquaintance. I love that you are intelligent and are willing to challenge me. One reason I have always avoided women in society such as Caroline Bingley is that I could contradict myself five times in the same conversation, and they would agree with every statement I made. I admire you because you think and are willing to express an opinion. I do not want a wife who will merely hang upon my arm and agree with me. I want one who will be my partner, who will challenge me to think more deeply, and who will assist me in managing our estate. If you agree to marry me, you will be my partner in all things.”

“You will have the final say, though,” she stated.

He had never before spoken so openly of the sort of marriage he wanted. With Elizabeth, it seemed the most natural conversation in the world.