Page 71 of Betrayed
Chapter Twenty-Three
Two hours later, Logan sank back onto Will’s couch. Going to Walmart and buying a few essentials had been sobering. Thinking about all that was gone was overwhelming, but he also didn’t want to assume the worst. It was possible that some things back in the bedrooms would be able to be cleaned and restored, but not much.
AJ came into the room. “Dinner’s ready.” They had bought some frozen pizzas while at the store.
“Okay.” But he didn’t move.
She came and sat down beside him. “Not hungry?”
He shrugged. “I probably should eat.”
Her hands rested on her knees, but he wondered how much she was resisting reaching out to touch him. He helped make the decision and took her hand.
She squeezed his.
He didn’t know what to say. So many thoughts flew through his head. He needed to say I’m sorry. He needed to say I forgive you. He needed to say I love you. But he couldn’t find his voice to say any of the words.
“Let’s go eat.” She stood and pulled his hand.
He tugged back. “Wait. I need to say a few things.”
She sat again, close enough that her knee brushed his, sending warmth through his leg.
He stared at her hand in his. It had aged—not in a bad way—but while it looked like he remembered, a few fine lines had appeared.
“What is it, Logan? Don’t feel like now—”
“If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I haven’t learned as much as I should have, but today has taught me a lot. After we fought earlier, I realized I was wrong. So wrong for so long. I’m … I’m sorry, AJ. I have been a terrible husband. I believe ‘selfish jerk’ are the proper words.”
She chuckled ruefully.
“I’ve always loved you, at least as far as my emotions go, but I haven’t loved you like Christ loves the church.”
Her hand tightened around his.
“I forgive you. I want to trust you again. It may take me a while—and heavens knows it’ll take me a minute to learn how to love you right—but I want to try. If you’ll give me a chance.”
“That’s a big change from earlier today.”
“I know. But even before the fire, I realized I was the one who needed to change. As I was walking, I had a good, long talk with God, and He made it clear I need to put some work into this. So if you are willing, I’d like a chance to start over.”
“We can’t start over.”
The words knocked the wind out of him like he’d run into a brick wall.
“The past is part of who we are. It’s there and can’t go anywhere. But we can start fresh.”
Air rushed back into his lungs. “Yeah?”
“Yes.” She rested her other hand on their joined hands. “It’s not going to be a magic switch; I’m not that naive. But I’ve wanted us my entire life.”
“Even after I’ve been such a jerk? I feel like a gigantic dolt because I didn’t even realize how much of a jerk I was being.”
Her snicker mostly came through her nose, but it also shook her shoulders. “Oh, honey.”
He reached up and traced the side of her face with his fingers. “Do I need to win your heart again?”
“My heart is yours, you know that. But we need to rebuild, not only our home, but our marriage.”
