Page 88 of Break the Ice

‘You know it’s tough because of the family relationships,’ my mom says. ‘Inga and I are on the same boards. Jed and your dad, they’ve been friends for years.’

‘But I am your son, your brother,’ I remind them, this being the first time I’ve voiced to them where their loyalties should lie. My mom looks down sheepishly into her coffee cup. ‘I don’t expect you to completely cut off the Pattons but, you know, Avery hurt me, a lot. Out of nowhere. But she was always going to get on with her life. Next time, just keep me in the know.’ There are looks of contrition around the table. ‘She messages me, you know?’

‘Avery?’ my dad asks, surprised. ‘Why?’

I look out the snowy window again, the pavements smothered, the sky looking like static on a television. ‘Who knows. Sometimes I think she wants to be friends, other times I can’t quite read her.’

‘It could be because she’s an evil bitch,’ Maddie says aloud, taking a sip of her milkshake. I notice she has been silent up to that point.

‘Maddie,’ my mom says, reprovingly.

She shifts our mom a look. ‘Don’t “Maddie” me. Just saying, Joshy is right. We never took his side when it all happened. She was cruel in how she ended it and we just didn’t react enough and we let him run away from us.’

I half-smile at Maddie, thinking of when I was saying goodbye to her at the airport and she sobbed, begging me to stay because she was so worried about me.

My dad stirs his coffee slowly. ‘Then we owe you an apology, son. I’m sorry if you ever felt our loyalties were divided. But you remain the most important thing to us, always,’ he says, putting an arm around me.

I exhale deeply. I never doubted it really, but all these intertwined relationships always made it feel like I could never truly get over Avery unless I ran away, somewhere far from this crazy city.

I see my mom deep in her thoughts and put a hand out to squeeze hers. ‘We don’t have to go tomorrow, if that would help?’ she says.

‘Well, I have a tux now. A real one, I can’t let it go to waste. Phoebe has a dress,’ I say.

‘And he really likes her,’ Maddie jokes playfully. I roll my eyes, worried that she’s going to return to that thread of the conversation. ‘She’s really pretty, that’s all I’m saying,’ she says in a sing-song voice.

‘Shush. Let’s talk about your love life, shall we? You still dating the barista from the West Village? The one with the mohawk?’ I mock.

Her jaw drops open. ‘You’re such an ass, he is also an influencer and renovates old vintage bicycles.’

My dad rubs his brow as if in pain, and my sister sticks her middle finger up at me.

‘Children!’ our mom shouts across the table. ‘Behave now, both of you. We’re in public.’

‘I just beg of you, please,’ I say to all of them. ‘Try not to interfere too much. Be normal. She’s here, a guest in our house. Don’t do that thing you did when we had Chinese food.’

First fricking night and Maddie came out with all the embarrassing stories and did her best to smear my name, bringing out photos of the time when I had what I can only call boyband bangs. It was a bad time, where my wardrobe was mostly tube socks and really badly fitting khakis.

‘Joshua, you have some of the best teen photos, it would be criminal not to share them,’ my mom says, laughing.

‘Or maybe we should wait to share them at your wedding,’ my dad says.

‘Why? Who’s getting married?’ a voice suddenly says, as Phoebe appears back at the table. I shift glances to all of them to shut the conversation down.

‘My cousin, Janice. She lives in New Haven. That’s a whole other state. Connecticut. It’s north of here,’ I say, as my family all grimace at how awful I am at lying.

‘That’s cool. When is she getting married?’ Phoebe asks.

Janice doesn’t even exist. Shit. ‘The summer.’

‘I hope you manage to make it back for it.’

‘I hope so too,’ I reply, kicking Maddie under the table to stop her smirking.

There is a very strange silence as Phoebe eyeballs me, obviously trying to work out what has been said in her absence. ‘Something I missed, guys?’

‘Oh no,’ my dad says, pushing his fries in her direction so she can help herself. ‘But Joy was just talking about that time Joshua climbed that tree in Central Park and got spooked by that squirrel and he fell and broke his arm?’

‘DAD!’ I yell.