Page 23 of Break the Ice

‘That’s nice. I’m so glad he’s making buddies out there,’ she says.

‘She’s not that sort of friend,’ I say, flaring my nostrils as a sign for Maddie to shut up now. ‘Look, we got to make a move, we are far away from where we need to be, so I will call you tomorrow, sis.’

‘I will make sure he does,’ Phoebe intervenes.

Maddie smiles broadly. ‘It’s been lovely to meet you, Phoebe. Happy holidays.’

‘You too, Joshua’s sister.’

They wave at each other and I know the first thing Maddie is going to do is run and tell my parents there is a woman in my car and we’ve just got a dog together. I may have to do some damage control via text.

‘You have the same eyes. She seems nice. Different to you,’ she says.

‘That would imply that I’m not nice,’ I say, slightly annoyed given I’m here in this car, helping her deliver this dog.

‘Well, you were mean in the supermarket by the way. No one shouts at me like that,’ she tells me.

‘Steve got loose. We could have been arrested,’ I inform her.

‘But we weren’t.’

I frown. I’m not sure how I feel about her relaxed attitude to law-breaking, but also how she invites herself to talk to my sister. She finishes her doughnut but leaves a bit for Steve, who eats the icing and sprinkles off her fingers. ‘Try the one with the jam in the middle, they’re super tasty.’

‘Steve just ate all those sausages, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. He might spew everywhere,’ I tell her.

‘He’s a dog. Cast-iron stomach. I also got him Christmas doggy cookies. And look at this, festive poo bags,’ she says, holding up her haul. How lovely that she did a bit of extra shopping while Steve and I were freezing our nuggets off in the car. ‘These were also ten pounds off with a Clubcard!’ she says, pulling out a large fleece hooded item. It looks like she’s about to join a very cosy monastery. ‘I got this for you! You like being cosy. You can even put your feet in it,’ she adds, fizzing with excitement.

‘You bought me a gift?’ I ask her, puzzled.

‘I mean, I haven’t wrapped it but it’s yours. Merry Christmas!’

‘Thank you?’

She seems annoyed I am not more animated by the gesture, but the problem is I can’t read her. You buy gifts for people you like. Yet at the same time, she’s covering that thing in doughnut sprinkles, picking up said sprinkles and putting them in her mouth. She just let the dog lick those fingers and he had raw meat and all I can think of is cross-contamination. ‘You want your meal deal before we set off? Your’ – She turns to read the label – ‘turkey BLT on rye. Posh boy…’

‘I’ll take a bite maybe. Come on, Steve.’ I direct him to the back of the car and watch him walk in a circle until he can find a comfy spot to lie down.

‘Did he have a poo?’

I smile, trying not to laugh. ‘Poop?’

‘Same thing,’ she says, rolling her eyes.

‘He had a very long wee.’

‘Oh, I got him some water too,’ she says, reaches into her bag and pulls out a six-pack of Evian.

‘And she calls me posh.’

‘There was a rush on bottled water because of the snow, so this is all they had.’

‘I have a bottle in my boot. We could have filled that up in the bathroom,’ I say.

‘It’s like you don’t want Steve to have the best,’ she says, putting a hand to her chest, turning her body around to the back seat. ‘Look what Aunty Phoebe got you! I got you premium water. Uncle Joshy wants to make you drink from the tap…’

I see what she’s doing. I turn around too. ‘I am still Joshua and I’m not your uncle, Steve.’

She turns to me in shock. ‘Don’t listen to him, Steve. He loves you really, you are like family to him.’