Page 179 of Nightshade

Before I realized what I’d said, he turned toward me. “You believe, then. You are Lustina.”

“I don’t know what to believe. In my world, such things are impossible.”

“Even in my world, I would not have thought it possible for your return. I’d been told of your curse, but in my heart, I never believed I’d see your face again.”

Even if I still had my doubts, it was clear he was resigned to the idea that I was Lustina. His lost love. By that alone, I knew he wouldn’t let me leave. How could he? Doing so, would’ve been giving her up twice.

The man had burned an entire city to the ground the first time. I couldn’t imagine what he’d do a second time.

“I’m scared, Jericho. I don’t want the memories of my life to fade in this place. What if …. What if you came back with me? You said the coin would offer free passage. We could go back together.”

“I would love nothing more, but I can’t. I’m to remain here until I’ve atoned for my sins.”

“By doing what?”

“I don’t know. There really isn’t a manual on how to redeem yourself after destroying an entire city.”

In spite of his words, the tone of his voice held no humor, and I lifted my head to see the emotionless, austere expression on his face. The weight of what he’d done pressed down on me in a raw and suffocating revelation. “You killed innocents, as well.”

“No one was spared. Not woman, man, or child.”

The sobering reality stirred an aching emptiness in my chest. “For Lustina?”

“No one else could have possibly moved me to do something so unforgivable. I do not regret my rage. Only that I could’ve spared some of them. Of course, they were destined to age with hateful hearts, just like their parents.”

“What do you think she would’ve said in the aftermath of it all?”

His chest rose beneath me with a sigh, and he turned his head away. “It is that question which haunted me for centuries. I walked a very perilous line before she came into my life. I was not equipped to feel guilt. It’s not natural for me in the least. That emotion was learned because of a woman. Because I had the capacity to imagine any one of those I killed being her. Young. Innocent. Different from the rest.”

“And now you’re trapped here. And your chances to go back are lost because of me? Because of what we did?”

“The Sentinels who watch me, however obscure they are, frown upon corruption of any kind. Here, they don’t monitor as closely as in your world. That’s because most here are what they’d consider lost causes.”

“And they become susceptible to the Fallen.”

“Yes. Still, redemption, or not, I would have pursued you.”

The concept of that felt foreign to me. That he could give up his freedom, his ability to leave Nightshade, for one person. Me. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. “You never once fell in love with another woman? In all that time?”

“No. There was only ever her. You.”

“You hardly know me.”

“I know enough.” He traced a finger over my shoulder, the faint vibrations from before still prickling my skin. “The only thing that kept me alive was the slightest possibility that the curse held true and you would return. I know that there is no one else in this world, or any other, for whom I would face the wrath of God himself.”

“I feel like a fraud. Like you’re going to find out the truth about me.”

“What truth?”

“That I blend into a crowd. That I’ve never done anything extraordinary. That I can count on one hand how many boyfriends I’ve had over the years.”

The tracing of his finger stopped abruptly. “How many, exactly?”

“How far back are we talking? Kindergarten? Five, maybe. Three of them were elementary school.”

“You’ve had relations with another man …”

“Only once. And I can tell you, he didn’t come equipped with vibrating feathers.”