Page 88 of Ballistic

We were as tragically beautiful and fragile as a dead rose. Two souls, broken beyond redemption.

With the stains of Kenny’s blood still streaked across his chest and throat, Dax fucked me like a man out to exorcise my ghosts before they could take over my head. With such determination and fervency, it only took minutes to reach the pinnacle of pleasure. And when the two of us climaxed together, I sobbed in his arms, while he held me. We showered and lay together on the bed, staring off into the darkness of the room.

For the first time in my life, I found a brief interlude of solace.

“Have you ever heard the story of Lethe and Mnemosyne?” I asked, listening to the steady beat of Dax’s heart beneath my ear.

“No.” His voice vibrated through his chest.

“In high school, I read a book on Greek mythology. Lethe was the spring of forgetfulness. And Mnemosyne was the spring of memory. The ancients believed that when you died and crossed into the underworld, you were given a choice. Drink from the river Lethe and forget all the pains and sorrows of your life. Or drink from Mnemosyne and remember everything.” I traced my fingers over the small curls of hair on his chest. “Those who chose to forget would be reborn and return to earth to start anew, and perhaps repeat all their mistakes and sorrows from the previous life. And those who chose to remember went on to the Elysian Fields to live eternity in peace and comfort.” Deep ridges and valleys passed beneath my fingertips, as I dragged a hand up his stomach and chest to rest beneath my cheek. “I used to think drinking from the river Lethe was the better option, because even if I could potentially live through those sorrows again, I’d forget everything. Become someone else. I was scared to live for eternity with those memories.” A mist of tears coated my eyes, and I blinked them away. “I didn’t realize Elysian Fields was where I’d find you, though.”

“You don’t have to be scared. Not with me.” His finger hooked beneath my chin, and he kissed me. “I won’t let those memories crush you.”

“I love you, Dax.” I let the truth flow through me, change my heart. I savored the way the word paired so easily with his name, and how the two rolled like magic off my tongue. And when he wrapped his big arms around me, I committed the feel of them to memory, mentally tracing them into my skin.

Because by morning, he’d no longer be mine. There were secrets I hadn’t yet told him. Ones that would ultimately destroy both of us.

33

Dax

Darkness obscured the room when I opened my eyes. I’d slept an entire day, thanks to pulling an all-nighter with Kenny. As the cloudiness smothering my brain lifted, I set my hand down on the spot beside mine. Empty. Raising my head up off the bed, I found the white glow of a note in the place where Nicoleta had been when I’d fallen asleep.

I flipped on the nightstand lamp, and rubbed the sleep from my eyes to read the somewhat short message.

Dax,

I’ve sat here three hours trying to think of what to say while I watch you sleep. If the world were a different place, I’d spend every night staring at your face this way, but this is where I finally fold.

You were and always will be my favorite mistake.

You’ll find Tesarik at the Belle Isle Boat House this Friday night. 10pm.

Don’t come looking for me. You won’t find me.

Always yours,

Nicoleta

Crushing the letter in my palm, I shot off the bed to the window. The ‘Cuda still sat parked in the lot. I scanned the area as far as I could see, but could see no sign of her.

Racing back across the room, I swiped up my jeans, and yanked them up over my legs, threw on my boots without tying them, and tugged on a shirt. My wallet sat on the table, and as I thumbed through the cash, I noted about two of the five hundred I’d had missing. Not that I cared she took it, but it meant she might’ve grabbed a cab, or bus. Keys in hand, I shoved the wallet into my jeans and jogged down the staircase to my car.

I didn’t even know where I was headed, as I pulled out onto the main road and drove, eyes searching the open fields and buildings that passed on either side of me. Rubbing the top of my skull, I fought the urge to let panic swallow me, and kept driving. She could’ve been anywhere in the city by then, but I didn’t think about that.

For two hours, I drove down roads and side streets. The only bodies bustling about in the darkness were the homeless, who clustered against the sides of the buildings and under makeshift tents. None of them Nicoleta.

“No, no, no. C’mon, Nic.”

I drove for another hour, visiting the few bus stops and train stations scattered throughout the city.

As I turned back into the parking lot, sometime after ten, I looked up to the room that stood dark and quiet. I sat there for a moment, could almost see her phantom form up on the balcony, smoking one of my cigarettes. Gripping the wheel, I slammed my head against it and let out a roar of frustration.

Part of me wanted to keep driving.

Another part of me knew I wouldn’t find her.

I dragged myself out of the car and back up to the room. Had no idea where she could’ve run off to, and I didn’t want to think that Tesarik, or Dmitry, might’ve found her before I did. That I could very well hear about her dead body, discovered dumped in some abandoned shithole, just like Livvie’s.