Page 68 of Juniper Unraveling

“Please don’t say anything. He’ll punish you. And me.”

“It seems you’ve endured quite a bit of his punishment already. You’ve managed to evade suspicion up until now. But if you’re found to be pregnant, I don’t even know what the consequences of that may be in this place.”

“I’ll hide it. I’ll wear a bigger shirt and come straight here after meals every day.”

He crosses his arms and strokes his chin. “Let’s just wait for the results and go from there.”

* * *

I lie in bed, staring into the pitch-blackness of the small room. The cot below me doesn’t help the ache in my lower back, where a cramp blossomed earlier in the evening. My entire body is weak, exhausted from heaving and lack of food. I forced myself to eat the broth at supper, but the smell of yeast in the bread brought everything back up.

I’ll starve if I can’t find a way to keep the food down.

A new sickness claims my gut as the night sets in, rolling deeper into the hour when I’ll be expected to show up to S block. An hour I’m dreading.

Ivan promised a wonderful surprise will be waiting for me, but his surprises aren’t enjoyable, or welcome. At times, they’re food, and on other occasions, they’re some new and twisted form of entertainment for him, that usually results in pain for me.

If I deny him, though, he’ll go to his father, and I want nothing to do with Ericsson Sr. The fact that I’m still here means he hasn’t yet ratted me out—perhaps the only secret he has managed to keep.

Breathing deeply through my nose, I push myself up from the bed, a movement that sends dizzying swells to my head. I crack the door open, so as to discern whether my eyes are open, or closed. A lightness in my chest accompanies the narrowing field of view, and I watch the walls spin around me. Faster and faster.

Until the floor crashes into my spine.

* * *

Doctor F sits across his desk from me, fingers entwined, eyes stern as always. “You’re pregnant.”

Those two words weigh down on me like anchors in a deep pool.

“It’s confirmed.”

This news only adds to the churning in my stomach, and a cold sensation moves through my veins, branching into my lungs. “What am I going to do?”

“You have two choices. The first is to terminate it. I can assist with that.”

Terminate. The word sounds so cruel, as it echoes inside my head, reminding me of Abel’s record.

“Kill the baby? I can’t …” I shake my head at the thought of another child dying in this place. Perhaps the only one I can save. “I won’t.”

With a huff, he lets his gaze fall from mine, and for the first time since I arrived at this place, Doctor Falkenrath reaches for the glass bottle set out on the bookshelf behind him, pouring the amber liquor into a glass. I’ve seen the whiskey many times before, but never actually witnessed him drink it. Staring into the glass, he swirls the fluid around. “Then, I’ll help you escape.”

My breath catches.

The words fail to breach the confusing haze that hangs over me like a storm cloud.

Escape? What does that even mean? The only ones who escape are those thrown to the Ragers, or sent to the incinerators. There is no other form of escape.

“How?”

Tipping the glass to his mouth, he sips the drink, and his throat bobs with a swallow. “I don’t know, yet. I’ll think of something. In the meantime, it’s business as usual. No rousing suspicion. Are you able to assist today?”

In truth, probably not, but I will, anyway. I have to keep up this charade, and the fact that I missed my appointment with Ivan the night before is unsettling. I don’t even know what the consequences of that will be.

* * *

We finish up the case for the afternoon, and I peel away the mask Doctor Falkenrath gave me to help with the smell. He also provided some crackers earlier, to help keep the dizziness from claiming me.

“Are you well enough to wheel the body down? Or should I fetch someone else?”