Page 117 of Falling Like Snow
“I don’t think this particular confession is one we could bounce back from,” I argue. “No matter how much we wanted to. No matter how hard we tried to pretend I didn’t say the words. I don’t want to risk our friendship. I can’t.”
“If it turns out to be one-sided, your friendship will survive. I know it, Sloane,” Ellis says. “I don’t want you to regret not telling him. How are you going to feel when you’re wondering, ‘What if I’d confessed my feelings—then would we be going to prom together?’ or ‘Then would I be kissing him instead of watching him kiss some other girl?’ or ‘Then would we be making plans for our future instead of planning on seeing each other once a decade after we’ve both moved away?’ ”
“I think she gets the point,” Aunt Annie mutters.
“Fine, I’m just saying what if he’s your Harry?” Ellis sighs. “You have to live with whatever decision you make tonight. If you are brave and bold and you decide to take the risk, you could have everything you want. But if you decide you’re too scared to say anything…”
She trails off, but I know exactly what her silence means. It means me pretending to be fine when I’m not. Pretending to like whoever he’s dating. It means probably being the best man at his unconventional wedding, sitting on the sidelines while he loves some other lucky girl.
I chew the inside of my cheek. “I’m afraid of hurting Daphne. Regardless of Asher’s feelings, I shouldn’t be inserting myself like… like some home-wrecker.”
Ellis frowns. “You’re not inserting yourself. You’re simply making sure he has all the information he needs so he can make an informed decision about the future.”
I look at Sally and Harry kissing on the paused TV screen, and my stomach flips. I’m not sure if it’s because the idea of confessing to him excites me… or if it’s because I’m going to hurl just thinking about it.
“You won’t lose him,” Mom says quietly. “That boy would never let you be alone.”
My eyes flit to each of the women staring at me. Mom looks like she’s dying to say more, but she stays silent, letting me mull it over.
Ellis’s words ring in my ears. What if he’s your Harry? I picture the slant of Asher’s lips. I remember what they feel like against mine and imagine getting to kiss him again. I think of how my hand fits perfectly into his and imagine our fingers laced together as we walk down the street. I imagine soaking in his warmth as I lie next to him, staring at him freely and unabashedly.
Then I imagine never getting to do those things, and my whole chest tightens.
I’m absolutely terrified, but Mom’s right. I need to face my fears.
I wring my hands, my heart thrashing. “Okay.”
All of them let out a breath.
“Mom, you drive so she doesn’t have the option to turn around halfway there,” Ellis says.
Aunt Annie stands. “I’ll drive because I want to be part of the excitement, but Sloane reserves the right to change her mind.”
Ellis crosses her arms and huffs. “Fine.”
Mom jumps off the couch. “Well, I’m obviously coming too!”
We throw on our boots, not taking the time to tie them, and leave without coats.
If I’m going to put it all on the table, I have to do it before I lose my nerve. And Ellis is right—that could happen any second.
Chapter Thirty-One
“Do you want me to come with you?” Ellis asks when we step into Jake’s house. Mom was disappointed when I made her leave, but we weren’t bringing our parents to a high school party.
“No. I’m nervous enough without someone watching the potential implosion of this friendship.”
“It won’t implode,” she says with certainty as we walk into the large Victorian home.
“Hey,” Jake says, entering the foyer. He looks behind us. “No Fern?”
“She went home last Saturday,” Ellis tells him.
“She left?” Jake says, seeming legitimately crushed.
“Sorry, Jakey,” she says. Then she turns to me. “I’m going to find Cooper. Come get me if you need me.”
She heads for the packed living room, and I give Jake a sympathetic smile before beginning my search. When Asher isn’t in the living room, I check the kitchen, the finished basement, the bedrooms. But he’s nowhere.
