Page 112 of Falling Like Snow

“I came back yesterday. Asher didn’t mention it?”

I force a smile. “I guess I forgot. Is, um, he around?”

“He’s not. But do you want to come in and wait?”

It suddenly occurs to me that I didn’t see Daphne all day either. Is that where he is?

I really don’t want to know. But deep down I think it’s only because I already do know. I just don’t want to hear the words aloud.

“No, that’s okay,” I say, blinking rapidly so I don’t cry, probably looking like I have something in my eye. “Can you do me a favor and not tell him I came by?”

“Uh, sure?”

“Thanks, Mr. Yoshida. I’m glad you made it home.”

“See you around, Sloane.”

I jog down his porch steps and let the cold winter wind dry my tears as I walk home.

Asher and I will be okay. I know we will. But how am I going to get over my very real, very strong feelings for my best friend?

Chapter Thirty

On a typical New Year’s Eve, Asher and I pick up Starbursts and a bottle of sparkling grape juice at the market and drive to Magnolia Lake. With a pile of blankets—and our snow pants if necessary—we walk to the end of the weathered wooden dock and sit with our feet dangling over the sides, just above the frozen water. Wrapped in blankets, I open the fizzy drink and he plucks out all the pink candies for me. Then, when the clock strikes midnight, we gaze up at the annual Bramble Falls New Year’s fireworks from the best seats in town, chewing fruity candy and drinking straight from the bottle. And while a rainbow of colors burst and pop and dance across the sky, we tell each other the New Year’s resolutions we know we’ll never follow through with.

But this is not a typical New Year’s Eve, and we won’t be going to the lake. Because Asher needs space.

When I trudge into the living room that night, Mom has a bottle of sparkling grape juice and four champagne flutes sitting on the table.

“What’s going on?” I ask as she walks into the living room wearing her red bathrobe over her gray cotton pajamas, carrying a plate full of corn dogs.

She puts the food on the table and curls onto the couch. “Ellis said you two were bailing on Jake’s New Year’s Eve party and watching When Harry Met Sally instead. So Annie and I thought we’d join you.” She sets a cream throw pillow on her lap. “Unless you don’t want us to, of course. In which case, we can hang out in the kitchen. No big deal.”

“No, that’s fine. It’ll be fun,” I tell her. Though the truth is, I’m not sure I’m capable of having fun anymore.

Not without Asher, as dramatic as that sounds.

“You’ve seemed pretty down this week,” she says, patting the seat next to her. I plod over and sit, bringing my knees to my chest. “You want to tell me what’s up?”

I pick at an invisible piece of lint on my pants. “Not really.”

“Okay,” she says, nodding slowly. “It’s just… I know December is difficult for you.”

My eyes cut to her. She rarely talks about Dad. And she never talks about Dad in December—or about how hard this month is.

“It is,” I agree.

“I’m here if you need me, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” I chew my lip, considering my next words carefully, so afraid of hurting her. “Actually… no I don’t.”

“What?”

“When it comes to talking about Dad, are you here?” I ask.

“Of course I am. Is that what you think? That you have to keep everything bottled up because I don’t want to talk about him?”

I cast my eyes to my lap. “I mean, yeah, sort of. I don’t want to be the reason you’re sad again.”