Page 85 of Without a Clue

“What’s that?” I whisper.

“Just don’t fall in love with anyone else before you give me a chance.”

It takes another five minutes before my heartbeats slow.

But my head is now throbbing, a sizable migraine coming on in a hurry. I feel swept up in intense moment after intense moment, with only one anchor to cling to: Nash loves me.

Nash, after all, loves me.

The absurd thought has become the dazzling reality.

“Just take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

His words are a shower of rain on desert ground, instantly soothing the dry and cracked wounds of a past life I didn’t even realize were there.

I nod.

That’s it.

That’s all I can do right now.

I know what I want, I know how I feel, but then, I thought I knew what I wanted for the past eight years and it turned out I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Because as it turned out, persevering in one direction for the sake of perseverance doesn’t make you successful or mean you’re doing the right thing.

Being loyal for the sake of loyalty doesn’t make you wise.

Doing everything you thought was right with a blind eye to all the red flags around you, believing “the strongest relationships are those that persevere to the end,” doesn’t make your life everything you were promised it would be.

I needed time.

And Nash just gave me the one thing Michael never would: the gift of time.

Michael was always rushing me.

Filling my head with ultimatums.

Telling me to choose him or miss out forever.

To let go of that wrong he did or else he’d walk away and I’d regret it for the rest of my life.

To drop everything and cancel every appointment to be with him at a moment’s notice, or lose his trust and ultimately him forever.

Living with that underlying stress had broken me more than anyone, including myself, could ever know.

I throw my arms around Nash, water cup sloshing and all.

His arms don’t hesitate in wrapping around me back.

In the silence, my face deep within his flannel, I speak. “Thanks.”

He exhales a little.

I’ve surprised him, I think.

But not in a bad way.

Not in a way that makes him angry.