Page 72 of Back for Seconds

“I-it’s not that I didn’t want to, it just was really hard to—”

“You think six months is a really long time?”

“Uh.” I swallowed against the surge of embarrassment in my throat. “Is that… Should I say no?”

“Six months is like…” She sucked down a breath, another wave of tears rushing from her eyes. Her cheeks are flushed with emotion, the tip of her nose pink. She turned her big, watery gaze on me. Adorable little thing. “It’s like a fucking nanosecond. Do you know how many people haven’t had sex in six months?!”

My eyebrows fell into a frown. “Sure, but…but Amber and I were living together. We were…”

In love—or something like love. We were good at pretending like we were in love, but somehow that act didn’t make it into the bedroom. And once moss had grown over the physical connection that tethered us, it was hard to dig it up and start again.

“Joseph.” June popped up at alarming speed, scooting toward the edge of the couch and cupping my face in her hands. Her touch was gentle—and wet. “Words mean things. You can’t just say something like, I haven’t had sex in a really long time if what you actually mean is, I haven’t had sex since yesterday.”

I shook my head, a cocktail of humiliation, confusion, and actual fear pulsing through me. “I feel like I missed a chapter. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling you.” She stared down at me, her chest heaving with little hiccups, her knees tucked on either side of my bare chest. I reached forward, smoothing her hair away from her face. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No. It’s me.” She pulled away, bringing her hands up to cover her eyes, pressing hard into her skin until it turned red under her fingers. “Joey, I haven’t had sex in two years.”

My head jerked back in shock, my mouth jumping into a quick, obnoxious oh shape, producing an equally as annoying sound. I tried to cover my obvious shock as best I could. “O-oh, well. That’s—”

“Yeah!” she shouted, vaguely muffled from behind her hands. “Oh is right. Oh, you must be horrible in bed. Oh, obviously your marriage imploded. Oh, no wonder you’re alone on Christmas.”

“No, that’s not what I meant! I just…” I took a quick gulp of air, attempting to gather my thoughts. Honesty was my best bet. “I guess it’s just shocking, June. You’re…you’re a fucking smoke show.” I winced and let a self-conscious laugh. “And you’re kind and funny and smart as fuck. Not to sound like a weird teenager, but if you wanted to, I would have sex with you whenever you wanted.”

She dropped her eyes to her lap, sniffling. “You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not.” I rubbed at a smudge of mascara on her cheek until it came away. “Do you wanna talk about this more?”

“What’s there to say?” June shrugged a shoulder, adjusting her bra strap. We were still kind of naked, weren’t we? I snagged a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders, her eyes meeting mine in a flash of gratitude. “He wasn’t attracted to me. Plain and simple. I…” Her eyes fluttered shut, a look of pain moving over her features. “I lost a lot of weight during our relationship. He met me one way—k-kinda like this. And then I lost weight. Then I lost more weight. Then we got married. Yay. Everyone loves a skinny bride. And then…”

She closed her eyes and a tear fell from the ends of her long lashes. She looked just as she had the night we met—when I’d given her a ride home. Instinctively, I reached out and caught the tear halfway down her cheek with the back of my index finger. “I gained it all back. Plus some. Whatever! It happens!”

I nod quickly. I knew better than most people.

She sniffled and then continued, fluttering her eyes in irritation. “I couldn’t stop my body. This is how I’ve always been. But everything was going from bad to worse. I was desperate, clingy. I kept asking him over and over: Do you still love me? Do you even like me?” Her words lanced through me. I tightened my hold on her. Been there, I wanted to tell her. But I just listened.

She shrugged a shoulder. “Doesn’t matter what he said, how he defended himself. The answer was no, wasn’t it?”

“Hey.” I moved up onto the couch, wrapping her in my arms, pulling June into my side. She came willingly. “That guy is a fucking pig. You were not the problem. And I know no matter what I say right now, you’re gonna shrug me off, but June—I spend a lot of time around a lot of bodies for a living…” I paused to pull away, to gather her hair up from around her neck, twisting it around my fist then securing it away from her face with the spare elastic on my wrist. I liked the way she let her eyes fall shut as I touched her, stroked her. I loved the way she went soft and let me take care of her. I pulled her back into my chest. “And I think I like yours best.”

She eased away from me, looking up at me through her eyelashes. Some of the humor had returned to her eyes, her mouth fighting against the pull of a smile. “I think it’s a pretty good body, if I’m being honest.”

“Finally. We’re in complete agreement.” I gave her a squeeze. “He’s a fucking moron for expecting you to stay the same. Nothing, nobody, stays the same in life. You don’t marry someone hoping they never change. You don’t marry their body. You marry their…their heart, their soul. Their unique way of loving you.”

June’s gaze tracked back and forth over my features, eyes narrowed and lips slightly parted. It was a face I’d noticed she made when she was deep in thought, like her eyes had the ability to slice through my words as they hung in the air between us and analyze them.

“You never wanted to marry Amber?”

“No,” I said softly, running my tongue over my bottom lip. “And I kept waiting for that feeling to change but…we didn’t know how to love each other.”

She blotted at her eyes with the back of her hands. “A year ago, I was supposed to go wild, lose my mind, have a fling, and…be over him. But I just couldn’t.” She cut her eyes to mine. “I just felt so embarrassed—stupid for thinking we would last forever. That’s so rare, you know? I still feel stupid.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid to feel vulnerable after you’ve been rejected by someone who was supposed to love you until death did you part. I think it’s normal—fuck, more than normal. You were protecting yourself.”

“No, I was holding on. Wishing he would realize he made a huge mistake and…and come home.” She shook her head. “I’ve been such a huge fucking coward this whole time.”

“Will you stop that? You weren’t a coward when you yelled at him in front of everyone at the town hall.” I smoothed her hair away from her face, drinking in her soft, angelic features.“You weren’t a coward when you stayed in the house you bought together, when you stayed in Evergreen.”

She leaned her cheek into my palm, letting me cradle her face. “But that’s just…”