Page 51 of Everything She Wanted

Luckily for my tortured heart, the man is kind and doesn’t mind moving. He gets up and gives us a knowing wink, like he’s well aware I’m not just his friend.

“That’s better.” Nick buckles up and looks over at me, and I lose my focus even more.

The flight attendants go over the usual safety precautions, and I use the time to try to gather my resolve. I need to keep things professional and avoid straying into forbidden territory—like last night—especially if we’re going to attend more conferences and events. Still, I don’t know how to vocalize it.

Nick turns over to me. “How are you feeling?”

I’m not sure what he’s asking. About last night, about him, about what happened? I play it safe.

“A little drained.”

“We’ve got a few hours. Rest for a bit.”

I exhale. I don’t have to talk or figure things out now. I can just relax and let things be. I try to put my seat back and get comfortable, and Nick looks at me struggling.

“Here.” He pulls me toward him, and I nestle into his shoulder. Immediately, I know I shouldn’t, but it’s so comfortable.

I will allow myself this. His hand finds mine, and we stay like this for most of the flight. I can’t actually sleep, but I also can’t bring myself to pull away.

He makes me feel something.

Believe in something.

Believe in myself.

I want to run from him and from that feeling, too, but mostly it’s like I’m running away from myself.

He seems to see into my soul, and his touch energizes my desire for things that I shouldn’t dare to want.

I know I can’t let myself have him the way I want, the way I crave, the way my body insists on and my soul wishes for, but I can let myself have this. This moment where my heart feels light and free. I tuck it away in the deepest parts of my mind, knowing I can draw it out when I need it the most.

It’s almost 9 p.m. when we walk through baggage claim with our carry-ons in hand. My eyes land on Shaan leaning against a pillar, looking down at his phone. He looks up, and our eyes meet. Fuck.

“Babe, I missed you.” He pulls me into a hug and leans in for a kiss.

I flinch, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“I had no idea you would be here.” I try to keep the panic out of my voice.

“I wanted to surprise you.” He grabs my carry-on from me and turns to Nick, who stops behind me.

“Nick, this is Eshaan,” I manage.

“Hi, I’m Nisha’s boyfriend.” Of course, Shaan won’t miss the chance to make that obvious.

I can hear Nick’s breath catch behind me.

“Good to meet you.” They shake hands, and I question every choice that led me to this moment. I try to take a steady breath as my chest tightens.

I catch a glimpse of hurt before Nick’s expression turns unreadable and it kills me. I wish I could explain, but what would I say? This is my boyfriend and soon-to-be fiancé, and I should have told you, but I didn’t, and I never should have let you kiss me, but I’m glad I did. I don’t know what any of this means, but I want it to mean something.

“I’d better go. I have an Uber waiting outside. Enjoy your weekend.” Nick leaves without even a glance back, his voice flat and distant.

Everything felt so close, so intimate, and now the air is frigid.

The mortification sets in, and then the guilt as I look at Shaan’s doting eyes on me. We walk out to the parking lot, and he puts my suitcase in the trunk while I hop into his plush Maserati and try to stop freaking out. It was nothing. Nothing happened. Not really.

He jumps into the driver’s seat and turns to me. “Dinner?” I want to go straight home, but I don’t want to disappoint him.