Page 121 of Everything She Wanted

Smile for photos.

Hug others when they come up to me.

Take selfies when approached.

Dance when I’m dragged onto the floor.

Perform like a circus monkey.

Rachel hovers next to me from time to time, her face taut with worry, but I ignore it and her for the rest of the evening.

In between each act, I slam back drink after drink, until the music and the voices fade away and the only sound I hear is the piercing shattering of my heart breaking. It’s the last thing I hear before I faint into the arms of the man I’m now engaged to, and who I’m not even sure I want to be with.

43. Drive

The next afternoon, my mom and Bhua Ji insist we all go out for lunch after Rachel told them I fainted because I hadn’t eaten all day. They also insist I down two cups of cha to help settle my stomach before we’re allowed to leave the house.

It should feel nice to be so taken care of, but even without the hangover I feel nauseous as I replay the conversation with Nick repeatedly in my head.

I try and fail to put it out of my mind as we arrive at the restaurant, seat ourselves, and order steaming bowls of chole with deep-fried bhature. The smell alone has me salivating. I immediately down two glasses of water, and both my mom and my aunt continue to ignore the fact that I’m completely hungover.

“Just like her dad.” I heard my mom whispering to my aunt in the morning when I woke up in my little cousin’s bed. “Doesn’t know when to stop and embarrassed us all.” I can’t even feel shame anymore, just deep pain in every part of my aching soul. Their words are weapons but I’m used to it, so it slices but not as deep.

I glance around the restaurant. I see young couples and families, and I smile as I see an older Sikh couple who look very much in love. I wonder how they found each other and managed to stay happy over the years.

Eshaan, who was at first concerned about me, later ripped into me for drinking too much and not eating enough, like I was a little girl who spoiled his big event and not his fiancée.

What the fuck do you think my family’s going to think? His words echo in my head, but for once, I’m beyond caring what he or his family thinks—more words, more weapons. I will lay down my own and just let them hurt me. It’s what I do and all I know.

The food arrives in red plastic trays. I start topping my chole with red onion and white vinegar when my aunt points behind me. “Nisha, is that your friend over there? She’s waving at us.”

I look back after stuffing my face with a big bite and stop mid-chew. It’s someone who looks familiar, but I can’t place her. She starts walking toward us.

“Auntie Jis, hi. I’m Nisha’s friend, Sonia. Do you mind if I talk to her for a bit? We haven’t seen each other for so long.”

Sonia? Here? Now?

“Right, Nisha?”

I try not to choke on my food. What the fuck is she doing?

“Right.” The word tumbles out of my mouth.

I get up as she says, “We’ll be right back.” She smiles at them like we’re old friends when we’ve never met, or even spoken, once.

We step outside and walk to the corner of the plaza where it’s less busy. She turns and levels me with an edgy stare.

“Look, I know we don’t know each other, and I was debating if I should even do this.” She crosses her arms over chest. “But I keep thinking that if it were me, I’d want to know.”

Icy dread spreads through me. I want to turn and run, but I stay rooted to the spot, unable to move away from something I always knew was coming.

“Eshaan and I have been seeing each other on and off for months.”

I didn’t think it was this.

“What does that mean?” My voice trembles.

She looks away and takes a breath. “We’ve been sleeping together.” She doesn’t meet my eyes. “I tried to stop it, and I know it’s a shit move.”