Page 77 of The Wedding Forecast

‘Don’t stop,’ I say.

‘Which bit?’

‘All of it, keep it exactly, exactly, exactly like this.’

I am beginning to get loud, which Joel used to hate but I can tell Mac likes it, likes the noise, likes to look and hear it all, and that’s turning me on more than anything. I can feel his eyes on me as I come again, dark and full of deep desire, and I feel laid out, emptied of thought, a body floating, and I watch his pleasure as he comes.

Afterwards, we lie together on the bed, staring at each other. He kisses my shoulder, nuzzles against my face. I want to say, now what? Not now what tonight, but now what, for the rest of the trip, the rest of the year, the rest of my life. Why did we take something and make it perfect right before we have to bury it?

‘Would you like something to drink? Or eat?’ he says, raising himself up on one elbow. ‘I meant to ask before, but I got distracted.’

‘Water would be great,’ I say.

He stands up, pulls his boxers on and walks over to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water. I drink the water while he rummages in a drawer, and pulls out a white T-shirt, a long grey hoodie and a pair of grey trackpants.

‘Here, put these on. They’ll be too big but they’re the most comfortable things that will ever touch your skin, I promise.’

‘Thank you,’ I say. I hold them in my hand, touch them to my face. They are so soft. I make no move to put them on.

‘We can watch a movie. I’ll make popcorn,’ he says, walking back to his kitchen.

If I put these clothes on, if I snuggle down in bed with him, I will never want to leave this apartment. I will never want to leave him.

‘Maybe I should go back to the hotel,’ I say.

He looks at me over his shoulder.

‘I thought you loved sleepovers.’

‘I did. I do.’

‘So what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’

‘We don’t have to do…anything else.’ He looks concerned.

‘No!’ I say. ‘It’s not about that. That was great. We can do more of that.’

‘What’s wrong then?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Anna.’ He still looks concerned, holding a saucepan.

‘Are you making popcorn from scratch in a saucepan?’

‘Yes, I hate microwave popcorn.’

‘Oh.’

That needs to be factored into my decision, as I have an irrational and unscientific fear of the chemicals in microwave popcorn.

‘I want you to stay,’ he says.

‘I want to stay but it might be better if I don’t.’

‘Why?’