Page 108 of The Wedding Forecast

‘Obviously.’

Hayley leaves the room, and I feel very self-conscious. My mind is blank. I cannot think of a single thing to say to Birdie. Small talk with a baby is even harder than small talk with an adult. But, miraculously, she has stopped crying.

‘Hi, Birdie, how has your morning been?’ I say.

Do I do her voice talking back? No, that is creepy. That is for pets. I let the question hang there. Birdie looks back at me with curiosity. She’s even cuter than she was the day I saw her in the bookshop. Her dark hair is magnificent. She has a dimple in her left cheek. Trust Joel to have an adorable child with dimples.

I jiggle her on my leg and she gives me a delighted smile. I do it again. Another smile. I do it a third time and now she gives a kind of gurgling giggle. Oh. Okay. I’m getting it. I see the appeal. I smile back at her.

I look up to see Luke watching me.

‘She’s not crying,’ he says, as Hayley appears behind him.

‘He was hiding,’ Hayley says.

‘I was installing the new showerhead.’

‘Very convenient timing,’ Hayley says, and she then turns to me. ‘How did you get her to stop?’

‘She just stopped,’ I say.

‘Hayley,’ Luke says. ‘You can’t make Anna look after her ex-boyfriend’s baby.’

‘Exactly. This is traumatising,’ I say, still jiggling Birdie and watching her smile.

‘I’m sorry. Is it really?’ Hayley says, and looks worried. She’s not sure if my traumatised comment is a joke or not. I’m not either.

‘No, it’s okay. I think. It’s less traumatising than listening to her scream.’

Hayley flops on the couch next to me. ‘I’m exhausted,’ she says.

‘She’s been here for less than fifteen minutes,’ Luke says.

‘It feels like fifteen hours,’ Hayley says.

‘Do you want her back?’ I say, lifting her towards Hayley and Birdie immediately starts crying again. She stops when I resettle her on my lap.

‘She hates me,’ Hayley says. ‘I didn’t do anything to her, I swear! I bought her an expensive bamboo cotton onesie, actually. With cute little birds on it.’

I hold her out to Luke but, again, she cries until I put her back on my lap.

‘Look, see, it’s nothing to do with you, Hayley, she just loves Anna,’ Luke says.

‘Or she hates us both,’ Hayley says.

I can’t help but feel a little smug. I am a baby-whisperer, and I didn’t even know it.

‘Can I put on the TV or will that damage her?’ Hayley asks.

‘Joel and Bianca are doing no screens before two,’ Luke says.

‘Does it count if the show I put on is for me?’ Hayley asks. ‘And we point her away from it?’

‘I think it still counts. I don’t know,’ Luke says. ‘We better not.’

‘Okay, well Anna, tell us, have you called Patrick yet?’ Hayley asks. She’s asked me this every few days since the photoshoot.

‘Not yet. I’ve been busy,’ I say.