Page 29 of Hard as Steel

“Baby?”

“Yeah?” That single word sounded as upset as he was.

“I’m sorry I broke us.”

Krystof wouldn’t say it was okay. It wasn’t. “I’m sorry I broke us, too.” Krystof thought about it. Had he ever apologized for what he had done? He didn’t think he had. Krystof had thought apologizing meant he regretted the path he had chosen. He didn’t. Kuba was the best part of him. But Steel still deserved an apology. One where Krystof begged for forgiveness while ugly-crying on his knees. He hadn’t done that. No wonder Steel hadn’t forgiven him. Why should he?

The realization spurred him into action. “When I saw you sitting alone in that garden at Kuba’s wedding, I should’ve joined you instead of sending Diesel to check on you. I should’ve gotten on my knees in the dirt and pleaded for your forgiveness. You deserve to watch me beg. I’m sorry I haven’t done that. My reason for breaking things off isn’t good enough for you not to deserve for me to wrap myself around your tree trunk leg like a monkey and refuse to budge until I humbled myself enough. You’ve always deserved better than me.”

Steel’s eyes had closed halfway through Krystof’s speech and hadn’t reopened. Krystof had a feeling Steel hadn’t heard a word. That was okay. Krystof would say every word again and then again until Steel taped his mouth shut. That actually sounded kind of fun. Krystof smiled. Maybe he hadn’t withstood enough of Steel’s punishment after all. He could take more, and that was exactly what he planned to do. Likely for as long as he lived.

Chapter Eleven

Krystof: Sometimes I miss you more than I can stand.

Krystof: I know you probably blocked me a long time ago, or I’m texting some random person now. But I ran into a mutual friend who said your business is booming. I know you don’t care, but I’m proud of you. Always have been and always will be.

Krystof: I stopped actually sending these a long time ago. Sometimes I type a message and think I’m brave enough to send it, but then I think it’s probably cruel of me to have ever sent a text after we ended. So, I do this. I save my sanity by coming here and telling you how much I love and miss you. Please know I never expected things to go this way. I thought we would get married. It would be us raising a family together.

(Delete)

Steel: I heard about Anastasia’s passing. You have my condolences. I know she was a great woman. I’ve sent flowers.

Krystof: Thank you. I know you won’t believe this, but she’d be really happy you texted.

Krystof: I’m coming to town soon. Is it okay if we talk?

Steel: So you’re single now and you think that changes something?

Krystof: No. I know I don’t deserve to see you, but I’m asking anyway.

Steel: Make an appointment with my secretary.

Krystof: It was good to see you today. I hope I can do so again.

Steel: You and your TWENTY-year-old son can visit each other. There’s no need to see me.

Krystof: Things aren’t what you think.

Steel: *sigh* This is the final text I will respond to unless you’re texting about business. You’ve proven you’re a liar, so I’m done with this conversation.

They didn’t talk about it. Steel and Krystof went home together, took off their shoes, and went to bed together. Side by side, they napped and took turns bringing each other things. Steel had never felt weaker in his life. In hindsight, Steel couldn’t believe he hadn’t suffered a heart attack before now. He had lived under immense pressure his entire life. Something had to give eventually. He wished it hadn’t been his health, but that was what eating like shit and just working out harder to stay in shape, coupled with enough work and stress to kill fifty men eventually got a person. Still, Steel hated that he couldn’t baby Krystof through his health scare.

He tried sitting up, determined to be the man Krystof needed. “Okay. I’m getting up. No more laziness. What can I get you? Would you like some soup or something?”

Krystof snagged the back of his shirt and tugged. “Stay in bed with me, please? You need to rest.”

Steel couldn’t decide which would be better for Krystof: for him to stay or for him to spoil him. He shook his head. “I won’t get better lounging around. It’s time for me to get a little exercise.”

“One more day. Kuba plans to feed us. Don’t worry about that.”

Steel wasn’t hard to convince. He didn’t know if it was the stress, the heart attack, or the years of never taking a break. No matter which, he was soul-deep exhausted. If he planned to stay in bed, he might as well make the most of it. He cuddled up with Krystof.

Their fingers linked. Krystof stared at their joined hands. “I’m sorry.”

Steel hadn’t expected that one. “For what?” He sounded as confused as he was.

“Everything. For all the years of pain I caused, for not telling you everything back then, and I’m really fucking sorry I planned to leave again. You’ve always deserved more than I’ve given. As awful as it may sound, I don’t even know, but I don’t regret a single second with you. Not back then or in the last six months.”