Page 11 of Fueled Hate

“You. You’re off. You’ve been different ever since—”

I don’t have to guess what he was going to say. I already know because I feel it too. But that doesn’t make me any less pissed that he was about to say it. “Since my mom died.” My voice cracks as I’m unable to keep the pain at bay.

“Sadie, I’m—”

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry grieving the death of my mother is such an inconvenience to you.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he says, frustrated. He threads a hand through his blond hair, pulling at his roots.

“Then what did you mean?”

“You’ve just been different since that night.”

“I am different. That night altered everything for me, so yeah, it changed me.”

“Sadie, I miss you. I just want us to go back to how we were.”

“I can’t. I don’t even remember how to be that person.” I feel so different, separated from that person. The happy-go-lucky high schooler who didn’t have a care in the world while her mother waited at home for her, allowing her a safe place to land when the latest insignificant drama surfaced. She taught me everything. The only thing she didn’t teach me was how to go on without her in my life.

Kyle plasters on his cocky smile as he bends down, planting a quick kiss on my cheek. “Let’s just get some sleep, and we’ll figure out how to get you back.”

Me. I’m the problem. It’s always what I’m doing wrong, not what he’s done wrong. Like stand me up for our anniversary.

He seems completely oblivious to my less than enthusiastic response as he continues, “There’s a big night planned at the Dome tomorrow. Maybe we can hang out after I take my victory spin.”

A stupid race involving his stupid car and all the idiots from around here. That’s his concern right now.

“I’ll just see you later.” Slipping past him, I push the door open, dash inside the apartment, and swiftly shut the door. Falling back against it, my head hits the door. I wanted to escape him in general, but specifically I didn’t want him to see me cry. Not because I’m ashamed, but because the tears aren’t for him. They’re for my mom. The person he wants to pretend is insignificant and easily forgotten. I know he doesn’t expect me to completely forget about her, but how can I pretend everything is like it was before? Because it’s not. It never will be.

“That bad, huh?” Willow says softly as I open my eyes. “I tried to make him leave but he was determined for some reason.”

I know the reason but don’t want to admit it to Willow—or myself—because I’m trying my best to push both of them out of my head. “He’s just wanting me to be someone I can’t be anymore.”

“Then leave him,” Willow says like it’s not a big deal.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yes, it is. Just tell him to screw off and move on.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can, Sadie. He’s a piece of shit that treats you like a doormat. Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier and be done.”

“But …” I picture my mom of all people. The person he blames for the downfall of our relationship.

“No buts, just say—”

“Stop!” I yell, covering my face with my hands. It’s bad enough that I already know this. Hearing it from my best friend makes it even harder. “I can’t.”

“Why not, Sadie?” Willow asks softly, then places her hand on my shoulder. “I love you. I want what’s best for you. If you want to be with him, I’ll back off … but please tell me why you put up with him.”

I get why she doesn’t understand, because I don’t think I did until this moment either. “My mom.”

“What?” she asks, confused as I remove my hands from my face.

“My mom loved him. We always hung out at my house, and Kyle would be in the kitchen all the time, baking or helping her cook. I’d always tease him, saying he was the daughter she never had because he loved being in there with her.” Moving to the couch, I sit, and Willow hesitantly takes a seat next to me. “If I date someone else, they won’t know my mom. She won’t be there on my wedding day. I’ll be marrying someone who is a stranger to her. Someone she’s never met. She loved Kyle. I’ll never know if another guy is someone she would’ve loved too.” It sounds stupid. But the relationship is something I had when my mom was around. It would just be another part of her that I lost.

“I kinda get what you’re saying, Sadie, but ask yourself if your mom would approve of this Kyle. Would she still love the guy he is now? Would she really want you to stay with him with the way he’s treating you?”