Page 79 of For the Ghastly and Beautiful

“I don’t.” Connak shakes his head. “Did she overdose while in the driver’s seat?”

“I’m not sure. The hospital said she had large quantities of several different substances in her system.”

He frowns. “But she was high before you left, right?”

“Yeah. She could barely hold her eyes open.”

“You assume it’s your fault because you dropped the pills in her drink?” Connak continues. “How long does it take for them to go into effect?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t experiment with any of the drugs.”

Ecaeris raises a challenging brow as he inquires, “Did you see her finish the drink?”

I squint, trying to recall the detail in question. I remember everything else about that morning, but not seeing her pick up the bottle of soda.

“Even if she finished the drink, she knew she was already high,” Talodus says. “She knew that when she got into the driver’s seat.”

“I don’t need you guys to make it make sense for me,” I explain as delicately as I can. “I’ve looked at all the documents and options more times than I can count. It didn’t make the guilt go away, because that’s not the only reason I feel that way. My dad was going to die soon, regardless of the accident.

“His death certificate said he had stage four lung cancer. When I spoke to his doctor, she told me they’d given him three months to live. That was two months before he died, and that’s why he was a shell of himself. He was losing his battle.”

Imryll begins to speak, but I hold my up, stopping him.

“There’s nothing else left to say. What’s done is done. No matter which way we look at it, facts are still facts. He was going to die, because he was the one thing that kept me on Earth. And I was always going to be on that boat alone.”